Inspiration and Motivation Archives

This is 40: 40 Life Lessons Learned in 40 Years

Posted on February 27, 2025 Written by Pinar Tarhan Leave a Comment

I turned 40 in December. It took several months to finish this post because I can’t believe I turned 40. Like, what do you mean I’m not 25?And I hate winter. My productivity took a hit thanks to health issues and horrible weather.

But here we are. Some of the things I list might make you say “Duh!” Some might feel like a nice hug. Others, well…might be useful to varying degrees.

I haven’t learned all of these recently. But even the ones I sort of always knew proved themselves over and over. That’s why even the ones that might make you say “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” are still in here. And remember, what is obvious to you isn’t necessarily obvious to everyone.

While this is not a post just for writers, it does feature some writer-focused examples. But whatever the point, I hope you find it relatable, relevant, and helpful. (I’m working on a post that will be about and for writers, though.)

Here we go:

Whatever your situation is, it’s not just you. This goes for good and bad.

Yes, the world is on fire. But there’s still plenty of good to go around. You just need to know where to look, and when to look away.

Meeting new people and making new, good friends at any age is possible. You just might need to change tactics depending on your health, energy, chosen career path, and personality.

I’m extroverted. I like meeting new (decent) people. I like keeping in touch with my friends.

My oldest friends and I go back to middle school. I made some lovely friends during college. A meet-up group about entrepreneurship led to a close friendship. I reconnected with an old friend at a dance class.

I made four close writer friends on an international Facebook group for writers. Two of them turned out to live in my city (Istanbul!), and I met up with one while visiting New York.

The list goes on.

You’re not limited by the people you meet in school and at work, and your age doesn’t matter.

Customization is key when wanting to change your habits.

There is no one-size-fits-all. Read many bestselling books by experts and failed to implement? You might need to read Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies (aff.link) and Better Than Before. Both are great books on habits and reshaping your life according to your personality.

Whatever you like to read and watch, there are many more people who love the same thing or similar things. Even if it’s obscure or has a low rating. Or maybe it was massively popular before you grew up, and now every time (which is not often) you meet someone with the same taste, it feels like an awesome novelty.
It’s okay to hate critically acclaimed things and love things that critically or commercially bombed. In the same vein, the rating of a movie/series/book doesn’t matter. How much you enjoyed it matters.

Forgive me cinema lovers for I have sinned. I haven’t seen The Godfather or Star Wars.

Life is too short to hate-watch, hate-read, or doomscroll. Pivot to something you actually like. I’m not saying I don’t spend too much time staring at the screen. I’m working on it. But what I don’t do is engage with trolls or read posts where people are having existential dread.

A couple of those posts are fine – it shows you you’re not alone. But too many, and you’ll feel stuck and depressed. Don’t do it.

Stay away from the news as much as you can. I repeat, take in the minimum amount that is necessary for your life and move on. Otherwise, you’ll be depressed, crazy, furious, or all three.
What’s easy for you is not necessarily easy for others, and vice versa. And this is okay!
If you can’t stop comparing yourself to other people, just compare to the right people in the right way.

This is especially sound advice if you’re looking for a role model or someone to inspire you. If you’ve always wanted to be an actress but fear you’ve aged out, you’ll not be motivated by Gwyneth Paltrow’s life. She was born into Hollywood.

Or if you are over 30 and live in Europe, read about Mads Mikkelsen’s life. Dude’s a critically acclaimed international star, speaks multiple languages and he was about 31 when he took up acting.

If you are a self-published author on a tight budget and it’s just you, you can’t compare yourself with indie mammoths who have money to burn and several assistants.

Separating the art from the artist is a much better use of anyone’s time. But it is okay if you forever ditch an artist for what they did in their personal life. Just don’t expect everyone to do the same.

And let’s face it it’s much easier to pretend an artist doesn’t exist if their work never impacted you positively. Remember no one ever bought a book/album/movie ticket/painting/etc. because the artist was nice. We became fans because the work was our cup of tea.

I love rock music and refuse to think about any awful and/or illegal behavior rock many stars have engaged in. What am I going to do? Not listen to music?

Come on.

Knowing how to find alternative solutions will increase your quality of life. This goes hand in hand with my customization tip (#3).
If you need help with anything, there are experts who offer amazing free or reasonably-priced advice.
You aren’t too old or too young to do most things.
Time speeds up once you have the freedom to do the things you like.

I still can’t believe I’m 40. I know that in many ways it’s still very young. But I also remember being 25 very vividly. Where the hell did time go?

It’s better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship and miserable.
You don’t have to take sh*t from anyone in most cases. When you do have to stick around, find ways to accelerate your escape from the situation/people.
Define your own success.
You don’t have to accept any cultural norms. You can question, challenge, and take whatever is in line with your own values.

Obviously, it’s not okay to be a jerk. But just because your family or society believes in certain things, it doesn’t mean you have to live your life like that.

Appreciate how Scandinavians are big on personal space? Embrace it. Your friends love the hustle culture but you hate it? Slow down.

Your family wants grandchildren and you prefer cats? Go ahead.

At the same time, even if you come from a small family, but you want a huge family of your own and you have the resources? What are you waiting for?

You do you. It’s your life.

You don’t hate all forms of exercise. There is something out there that you enjoy and that doesn’t feel like exercise.
We all have harmful habits. The trick is to quit the ones that do the most harm or at least minimize them so that we can be healthy and happy longer.
It’s okay to age however the hell you want. Naturally? Great. With outside help? Also, great.
Chances are you don’t completely hate one storyline/trope/genre/niche completely when it comes to movies and books. You just haven’t found the one that works for you.

I don’t generally like mobsters or gangsters. One of my favorite shows? Peaky Blinders.

I didn’t know I liked sci-fi until Back to the Future.

If you hate therapy, it’s because you haven’t found the right doctor.
Your past doesn’t have to define who you are. But remember your accomplishments. They are the key to defeating impostor syndrome.
Find at least two comedians you like. If someone’s jokes have you on the floor laughing, come back for more. I have a dark sense of humor, so I enjoy Ricky Gervais, Jim Jeffries, and Daniel Sloss.
Your location might be holding you back.

Maybe the platform you want to write on doesn’t pay creators from your country yet. (It’s happened to me a lot.) Maybe you just don’t vibe with certain aspects of the culture, or the weather is not good for your health.

It’s hard and expensive to move. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have the resources my character Janie does.

And maybe if a couple of setbacks were fixed, you’d be happy where you are. Keep an open (and creative mind) when it comes to finding solutions.

If you decide to move, remember no country is perfect.

Some countries are better for your mental health and wallet than others. That said, you need to perform a decent SWOT (strengths/weaknesses/opportunities/threats) analysis if you’re looking to overhaul your life.

Move to Paris because you’ve been there and you love most things about it. And not because it looks fabulous on Emily in Paris.

If you’re looking to move to Istanbul, comment and ask me things. I’m a veteran.

Most things aren’t inherently evil. It just depends on who is using it and why. This includes social media and AI.
Sometimes there’s no one to vote for. But there’s usually someone to vote against.
Most skills need repetition to master and maintain. If you give breaks, don’t be discouraged by the regression or stagnancy.
It’s hard to freaking adult every day. It’s definitely just not you.
Time management is a great skill, but don’t listen to (or look up to) anyone who says we all have the same 24 hours. There are 24 hours in a day, but:

commute
family responsibilities
health problems
work hours
traffic
personal finances and resources
dating needs and wants
and other life surprises

are different for everyone. Someone who is well-off and has no significant health issues should not give motivational speeches on time management unless they overcame extreme odds.

Most of the time, we all do the best we can.

Our bodies are different. We all don’t need the same amount of sleep.

Some of us need more; some of us need less. Find out what your body and body function well on.

You don’t need a gym to work out. But it’s great if you have a gym membership that you use.
It’s okay to discover new music. It’s also more than okay if you still vibe with the same music you did when you were 14.
Honesty isn’t always the best policy.

Do you really have to tell your boss her outfit sucks? Or that your friend looks tired? Come on. Think about the greater good – for you and them.

There is a reason the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” exists.

Go on that trip – if and when you can.

Notice how I didn’t just say go on that trip. Because, unlike some travel creators who mean well but generally just give advice to people who live in the States and have no health issues, I have a weaker passport, health considerations, and not a big budget. Moreover, most travel hacking tips don’t work for people outside the US.

Also, I’m not a backpacker or luxury traveler. I have nothing against luxury, I just can’t afford it most of the time. But I’m firmly mid-budget – as in I take advantage of hostels with private rooms and bathrooms as well as all-inclusive five-star resorts that can be caught at great prices if you book early enough.

Traveling is fun. But for some of us, there are more things to consider. So if you can, don’t delay the trip. It does wonders for your soul.

Reading is awesome. It doesn’t matter how, what, where, and when you read.
Depending on your work and mental state, sometimes multitasking can really help you out.
Procrastination is often not laziness but a form of protest.

I procrastinate due to fear of failure, overwhelm, burnout, and frustration. It’s usually easier to get started on things once you figure out why you are resisting and figure out ways to make the tasks easier and smaller.

Bonus tip: It’s fun and easy to say no. Get used to the word.

P.S.: The comedy film This is 40 (aff.link) starring Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann is a fun one to watch.

P.P.S.: This post contains affiliate links. It’s no extra cost to you, but if you buy through them, you’ll help me buy more coffee and write more.

Overcoming Writer’s Block: 18 Techniques That Actually Work

Posted on November 27, 2024 Written by Pinar Tarhan

Image via Gerd Altmann/geralt on Pixabay.

Writer’s block—the dreaded condition that every writer, from novices to seasoned authors, faces at some point. It can leave you staring at a blank screen for hours, feeling frustrated and creatively drained. But the good news is that writer’s block is not some insurmountable obstacle. With the right strategies, you can overcome this annoying mental barrier and get back to creating compelling narratives and articles.

So let’s explore practical techniques that actually work to help you conquer writer’s block and revive your writing mojo.

1. Establish a Writing Routine

Creating a structured writing routine can make a significant difference in your productivity. Just like going to the gym regularly builds muscle, setting aside a specific time each day for writing conditions your brain to be more responsive during those hours. Whether it’s early morning or late at night, figure out what works best for you and stick to it. The more consistent you are, the less resistance you will face when it’s time to write.

If you’re bad at routines and consistency, do an objective evaluation of your peak productivity times. When are you at your most energetic? When are you more eager to get things done? Try to write at these times as much as you can.

Writing every day at the same time is great. But if you can only write at 5pm for three hours some of the time, embrace those times.

2. Set Achievable Goals

One of the biggest reasons writers struggle with writer’s block is that they set unrealistic expectations. Setting smaller, manageable goals can be the key to overcoming the overwhelming feeling of needing to produce the “perfect” piece. Try writing 200 words a day or working on a single paragraph. By focusing on small goals, you not only make progress but also avoid feeling paralyzed by the idea of creating a full chapter or essay.

Remember, some is always better than none when it comes to writing.

3. Freewriting

Freewriting is one of the most effective techniques to overcome creative blocks. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes, and write without stopping. The goal is not to craft polished prose but to allow ideas to flow freely without judgment or editing. You might end up with a jumble of thoughts, but within that jumble, there are often seeds of new ideas that can be developed further.

Freewriting helps to unblock your creativity by removing the pressure of perfectionism.

4. Change Your Environment

Sometimes, a change in your surroundings is all you need to reignite your creativity. If you’ve been writing at the same desk for weeks, consider moving to a different location. Try writing in a coffee shop, a park, or even just a different room in your house. The change in scenery can give you a fresh perspective and help clear the mental clutter that might be holding you back.

5. Use Writing Prompts

Writing prompts are an excellent way to stimulate your imagination and get those creative juices flowing.

A writing prompt can be a sentence, a word, or even a picture that inspires you to create something new. There are countless prompt resources available online, or you can make your own. Prompts help by giving your brain a nudge in a direction you might not have thought of, which can often be enough to break through the block.

6. Break the Project into Smaller Parts

Large projects can feel overwhelming and lead to avoidance. To combat this, break down your work into smaller, more manageable parts. If you’re working on a novel, for instance, focus on writing just one scene or a specific dialogue. If you’re writing an article, start by outlining the main points instead of tackling the whole piece at once. By focusing on smaller components, you’ll make steady progress, which helps build momentum and dispel the block.

When I get stuck on certain parts, I always start with the scenes that come easier. Once they are out of the way, I find they pave the way for the more difficult ones.

7. Eliminate Distractions

Distractions can be a major cause of writer’s block. Notifications, social media, or even background noise can interrupt your flow of thought. Identify what distracts you and take steps to minimize these interruptions. Turn off notifications, close irrelevant browser tabs, and find a quiet place to work. You could also use tools like Focus@Will or “white noise” apps to create an environment conducive to writing.

Alternatively, if you’re used to working in complete silence, see if there’s a certain kind of music or background noise to get you in the mood to write.

The idea is to experiment until you find what works for you.

8. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can be extremely helpful in dealing with writer’s block. Often, the block arises from anxiety or negative thoughts about your writing abilities. Practicing mindfulness helps you stay in the present moment and quiet those doubts. Even five to ten minutes of meditation can help clear your mind, allowing you to approach your writing with a fresh perspective.

If you’re new to mindfulness and meditation, or if you want something focused on creativity, you should try Dr Danny Penman’s Mindfulness for Creativity. It has become one of my bedside resources.

9. Read for Inspiration

Reading the works of other authors can provide the spark needed to overcome writer’s block. Take some time to read a book, poem, or article related to your genre. You may come across a phrase or idea that inspires you to write something of your own. Reading also helps you recognize different writing styles, which may give you new insights into your own approach.

10. Write Something Different

If you’re feeling stuck, try switching to a different type of writing. For example, if you’re working on a novel and feeling blocked, try writing a poem, a journal entry, or even a letter to a friend. Changing the style of writing can be refreshing and can help you discover a new angle for your main project. It takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy the process of writing again.

11. Don’t Aim for Perfection

Perfectionism is one of the greatest enemies of creativity. Many writers get blocked because they want their first draft to be flawless. The truth is, first drafts are often messy, and that’s perfectly okay. Give yourself permission to write badly. Editing and polishing come later. Your only job during the initial writing stage is to get your ideas down on paper. When you let go of the pressure to be perfect, writing becomes much easier and more enjoyable.

12. Take Breaks

Sometimes the best thing you can do is step away from your work for a while. Taking short breaks can help clear your mind and give you a fresh perspective. Go for a walk, exercise, cook a meal, or do something else that relaxes you.

Often, a break can provide the clarity needed to overcome writer’s block. Just make sure your break doesn’t turn into procrastination—set a timer if necessary and get back to writing afterward.

13. Engage in Creative Activities Outside of Writing

Sometimes, it helps to stimulate your creativity in other ways. Engaging in creative activities like drawing, playing music, dancing, or crafting can help you tap into your creative energy without the pressure of producing written work. These activities can get you out of a creative rut and provide the mental flexibility needed to return to writing with renewed enthusiasm.

14. Talk It Out

Discussing your ideas with a friend or fellow writer can help you overcome writer’s block. Talking through your plot, character, or article ideas can reveal new angles and help you articulate what you’re struggling with. Often, verbalizing your thoughts helps make them clearer.

If you don’t have someone to talk to, consider recording yourself talking about your work—sometimes just saying it out loud helps you see things from a new perspective.

15. Use Technology to Your Advantage

There are many tools and apps designed to help writers overcome creative blocks. Apps like Scrivener, Ulysses, or Evernote can help organize your thoughts, while brainstorming tools like MindMeister allow you to map out ideas visually. Tools like Grammarly and ProWritingAid can help with editing, allowing you to focus more on writing. Experiment with different tools and find what works best for you.

16. Write Through the Block

When all else fails, simply write through the block. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes and commit to writing without stopping, even if you feel uninspired. You might end up with nonsense, but you might also find that your brain shifts gears partway through, allowing you to access ideas you didn’t know were there.

Writing through the block, without worrying about quality, can sometimes help you break down the barriers and find your rhythm again.

17. Reward Yourself

Rewarding yourself for meeting your writing goals, no matter how small, can motivate you to keep going.

Whether it’s a treat, a break to watch your favorite show, or a coffee from your favorite café, positive reinforcement helps create a rewarding cycle around writing. Celebrate small wins and use them as stepping stones toward bigger goals.

18. Embrace Failure as Part of the Process

Lastly, remember that every writer experiences setbacks. The creative process is inherently unpredictable, and failure is part of it. When you accept that writer’s block is a natural occurrence, you take away its power.

Instead of viewing it as a sign that you aren’t good enough, see it as an opportunity to explore new techniques, ideas, or creative directions. Adopting this mindset makes writer’s block less intimidating and much easier to overcome.

Book Promotion Can Help

If you’re struggling with writer’s block, shifting your focus to promoting your published books can be a powerful way to reignite creativity. Effective book promotion methods not only help you reach a wider audience but also reconnect you with the core reasons you began writing. Utilizing book advertising, promotional events, or even virtual book tours, you can share your stories with new readers and get valuable reactions and feedback. This engagement can serve as motivation and inspire fresh ideas. Whether it’s a book marketing plan involving social media, reader giveaways, or collaborative promotions with other authors, actively promoting your books can help break through creative blocks and breathe new life into your writing journey.

Conclusion

Writer’s block can be frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s only a temporary hurdle. By employing these techniques, you can regain your creative flow and start making progress once more.

Whether it’s creating a writing routine, using prompts, practicing mindfulness, or just changing your environment, there are many ways to push through the block and start writing again.

Writing is a journey, and every challenge you face, including writer’s block, contributes to your growth as a writer. So the next time you feel stuck, try some of these strategies and get back to doing what you love—writing.

What do you do when the muses fail you? Let me know in the comments!

Lonely Planet: Writer’s Block, Writer Retreats and The Importance of Dating the Right Person

Posted on November 11, 2024 Written by Pinar Tarhan

Please note that this post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, it’s no extra cost to you, and I make a few bucks. Which goes directly into my coffee fund.

Lonely Planet Plot Summary

Lonely Planet starring Laura Dern and Liam Hemsworth is a fun romance movie set in Morrocco. After a recent breakup, famous writer Katherine (Laura Dern) appreciates the change in scenery, courtesy of the writers’ retreat she was invited to. But she is doing everything she can to work in peace and avoid others.

Owen (Liam Hemsworth) is a young businessman accompanying her novelist girlfriend Lily.

As Lily throws herself into socializing and partying with no regard for Owen, Owen finds himself more and more drawn to Katherine. As their friendship turns into something more magnetic and lasting, they decide to make the most of it.

I did my best not to give spoilers, so I might have made Owen sound like a cheating brat. But I assure you, he’s one of the most decent male leads I’ve seen in a while. He’s obviously human and flawed. He stays in a relationship far longer than he should, but the cheating brat position is firmly Lily’s (oops! Spoiler!:D).

Rest assured, you can root for Owen and Katherine with a clear conscience.

Now that the essential movie information is out of the way, let’s delve into some of the themes:

Writer’s Block: Getting Rid of Writer’s Block with a Change of Scenery/Environment

Katherine’s getting out of writer’s block through a scenery change (and let’s face it – finding love), is realistic. Let me digress with my own scenery-change-killed-blockage story for a bit:

When I first started writing my debut romcom novel Making A Difference (M.A.D.) (aff. link), I wasn’t sure about the format. I first tried writing a movie screenplay. Then a TV series. Finally, I decided the story was meant to be a novel. I was new to writing novels. For a while, I got stuck reading about how to write novels. Then I started writing. But words didn’t fly out of the pages until I went to a dance camp in Sweden.

I live in Istanbul. The novel is set in NYC. What about Sweden made the creative juices flow?

Istanbul resembles NYC in many ways. It’s chaotic, crowded, loud, cosmopolitan, and it never sleeps. It’s hard to adult properly. You always miss out on things…things like proper sleep, enough fun with friends, and regular exercise.

While I hate most types of exercise, I love swimming, Zumba, aerobics, and dancing. I was an intermediate-level lindy hop dancer (a form of swing dancing), and I jumped at the chance to go on a dancing retreat. You stay for a week, join workshops during the day, and dance at parties at night. Pure exhausting bliss.

Despite being in the summer, it’s around 20 degrees (68F) at most and windy. You dance in large tents, and then it’s your extremely sweaty back’s turn to face open air… Well, everyone is fighting not to catch a cold. I missed some workshops because I opted to rest in my room. And during those obligatory rests – I mean, you join 3-4 lindy hop workshops a day and dance at night for hours without resting and we’ll see what your body begs you to do – I typed and typed in a file called MAD Sweden. I should also point out both my main characters lindy hop, so there’s that.

After a pure week of dancing bliss and exhaustion, I visited my friend in Norway and then came home with a first draft that made me happy. And I survived the trip without a major cold, which is another major victory on my part.

Running away from your problems isn’t recommended for the long term, but a change in pace, lifestyle, and scenery is sometimes all you need to get out of a rut and thrive. This works not just for creative people, but anyone looking to get unstuck and find a fresh perspective.

Now that I’m a bit stuck on my first draft of the third book in the A Change Would Do You Good romcom trilogy, I found myself checking out retreats and dance camps.

Back to Katherine and Lonely Planet: Dancing is one of the biggest loves of my life. So are traveling and Norway. And reuniting with old friends? The cherry on top. All this to say, I didn’t need Owen, but I’m glad Katherine found him.

Katherine and Owen have a bit of an age difference. I don’t know how old their characters are supposed to be, but during filming Hemsworth was 34 and Dern 57. The difference is (expectedly) addressed in the movie when Katherine says “I could fall for a kid like you,” and Owen is offended. Neither of them is wrong. 20+ years is a lot, and no one wants to be thought of as a kid by their crush. But it wasn’t that she saw him as immature, but was merely pointing out the obvious.

That said, I’m all for a good age-gap romance. As long as both parties are consenting adults who know what they are doing and chasing someone much younger/older isn’t a habit due to some unsolved baggage, it’s fine. You love who you love. In fact, the novel I’ll be writing finishing the A Change Would Do You Good series is an age-gap romance. Stay tuned!

I love that Owen and Katherine’s relationship is both calm and passionate. At times, Owen is more mature and grounded, which makes him even more attractive.

Romantic walks by the beach, sincere conversations that don’t turn into fights, good sex…. No wonder Katherine started writing again.

And now to the film’s only unbelievable part – major spoiler alert!: Katherine’s bag is stolen and her work with it. Get this: She has no backup! Am I supposed to believe that a novelist with a decades-long career who suffered from writer’s block for so long forgot to back up her work? Come on. I save my work as a reflex. As I was writing this sentence, I paused and sent myself an email just in case: And it’s only a thousand words. I don’t even know how many backups I have of my novels. She panics, has a fight with Owen, and just leaves. Because leaving your muse and a happy relationship is the way to solve all your problems as we all know. I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now.

Yes, in most romances you need a fight and a temporary break-up. But if this is how she handles things, maybe she should date 20-somethings. Like, seriously.

OK, I’m calm now.

Obviously, things get resolved. We get a happy ending, including a successful novel on Katherine’s part. Romance and inspiration win.

The Importance of Dating the Right Person

We all need someone supportive and understanding. Passion can be peaceful.

This doesn’t just help with our work, but also our health. You don’t need someone to feel happy or complete. But if you are with someone, make sure they are good for your soul.

And if you inspire each other, even better.

If you liked this post, check out the other Writer Characters in Fiction posts here.

How do you get out of ruts? Please let me know in the comments.

Life is Stranger Than Fiction: Why You Can and Should Write Freely

Posted on August 18, 2023 Written by Pinar Tarhan

I’ve been creating fiction for a long time. Like, for over two decades now. (I started early.)

While I cared about laws of physics since I wrote romantic comedies and dramas set in the real world, I left everything else to my imagination. Now, there was logic involved.

When Greg drove a Jaguar in my romcom novel A Change Would Do You Good, I made sure the audience knew he was a star in his field and at his company. He was the boss’s favorite and made a lot of money. So no one questioned his living standards.

But no matter how much reality you infuse into your fiction, someone will offer a piece of unwarranted criticism, which is fine.

Not all of the unwarranted criticisms come from a mean place. Your readers have different life experiences. Not to mention, our levels of suspension of disbelief differ. When I watch a movie/series with teenagers, I am fine with young adults acting younger than their age. I mean, who is going to say Michael J. Fox can’t/couldn’t pass for a high schooler in Back to the Future? Come on, I dare ya.

Still, not all Friends lovers (and haters) are convinced Monica could afford her Manhattan apartment. To that, I say:

Rent control
Occasionally great-paying jobs as a chef
Upper-middle-class parents
Happy-to-lend-money brother
Well-earning bestie (Chandler)

Those five points are mentioned in the show. At this point, if you don’t believe she could survive living there, maybe you aren’t into fiction.

One time, a friend reading A Change Would Do You Good (the story featuring our Jaguar-driving friend Greg from above) told me everyone in the story was good-looking, and that didn’t seem believable.

All my recurring characters are either really hot or attractive in their own way. Except for Linda in the beginning, because she has let herself go. However, she also gives herself a makeover and a confidence boost. And don’t worry, there’s no glass removal involved. Just a woman dressing better and losing the extra weight (and by that, I mean her incompatible boyfriend).

What are the odds of so many people being attractive? Without context, it sounds like a writer just pulling stuff out of her butt, I’ll admit.:))

But here’s the context:

This story is set in California. Some characters are from L.A., where there’s a lot of pressure to look good. I’ve been to Santa Barbara and Los Angeles. I don’t remember seeing a lot of average-looking people.

I looked fantastic too. I made an effort. It was my first time being abroad, and it was Cali, so I wasn’t just going to roll out of bed and not care.

Here’s even more context:

Janie, the main character, is a fashion designer. She knows how to look good.

Kevin, the male main character and Janie’s love interest is a pro surfer. Sports is his idea of fun. He is hot. And yes, it matters to the plot. And remember, this is a romcom drama. How many romcoms have you read or watched where the leads are just meh?

Kevin’s best friends are surfers and they also take amazing care of themselves. This is also not just a superficial afterthought either. This is a tight group of people who are extremely competitive at everything, and they have made a career in the one thing they love most in the world. They are healthy, successful, confident, and radiant. It’d be unusual if they weren’t considered hot.

(If you are wondering how such a happy group will have trouble in life… Well, Kevin has never been in love. He doesn’t even believe in romantic love. Janie’s grieving the death of the guy she thought she’d be with forever. So when they meet, sparks fly, and world views clash… So, don’t worry. The conflicts are strong with this neighbors to lovers/haters to lovers duo.)

Greg is a psychiatrist. He cares deeply about mental and physical health. Just doing what’s good for your body and soul alone will make a big difference in how good you look.

Ben is literally a model.

But what are the odds of them coming together and all the chaos?

Anytime you put an ensemble together and have them experience hilarious (mis)adventures, someone is bound to ask: But what are the odds?

It’s a great and valid question. Luckily, I’ve got the answer for you:

Highly likely, because life is stranger than fiction.

When I was in college, I did two terms abroad in Halden, Norway as an international student. Here’s a very short snippet of what life was like:

Once, a German neighbor opened the door with a chainsaw in hand. (He’s a great guy. We were a weird bunch.)
The neighbors of a Chinese student didn’t like his housekeeping (or behavior), so they put his bike on the roof of their two-story house.
My Austrian neighbor hated my Hungarian neighbor’s kitchen habits, so he threw all of his kitchen stuff out of the window.
My Russian and Norwegian neighbors, both with notoriously bad memories, met, forgot meeting, and introduced themselves to each other again after a year. They didn’t notice each other for months, even though they lived in a small two-story house with just 6 other people.
My German neighbor with the chainsaw once carved a wooden stake for me in 5 minutes because I wanted to go to the Halloween party as Buffy.
All the guys came together and skied off the roofs. For fun.

That’s real life for you. So any time I’m tempted to dismiss a storyline as unlikely, I think back and laugh.

Life is, and probably will always be stranger than fiction. Just think about what we have been through in the world in the last 3 years.

By all means, mind your plot holes. Check your facts. But write what you want. Because chances are, stuff way weirder already happened.