I turned 40 in December. It took several months to finish this post because I can’t believe I turned 40. Like, what do you mean I’m not 25?And I hate winter. My productivity took a hit thanks to health issues and horrible weather.

But here we are. Some of the things I list might make you say “Duh!” Some might feel like a nice hug. Others, well…might be useful to varying degrees.

I haven’t learned all of these recently. But even the ones I sort of always knew proved themselves over and over. That’s why even the ones that might make you say “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” are still in here. And remember, what is obvious to you isn’t necessarily obvious to everyone.

While this is not a post just for writers, it does feature some writer-focused examples. But whatever the point, I hope you find it relatable, relevant, and helpful. (I’m working on a post that will be about and for writers, though.)

Here we go:

1. Whatever your situation is, it’s not just you. This goes for good and bad.

Yes, the world is on fire. But there’s still plenty of good to go around. You just need to know where to look, and when to look away.

2. Meeting new people and making new, good friends at any age is possible. You just might need to change tactics depending on your health, energy, chosen career path, and personality.

I’m extroverted. I like meeting new (decent) people. I like keeping in touch with my friends.

My oldest friends and I go back to middle school. I made some lovely friends during college. A meet-up group about entrepreneurship led to a close friendship. I reconnected with an old friend at a dance class.

I made four close writer friends on an international Facebook group for writers. Two of them turned out to live in my city (Istanbul!), and I met up with one while visiting New York.

The list goes on.

You’re not limited by the people you meet in school and at work, and your age doesn’t matter.

3. Customization is key when wanting to change your habits.

There is no one-size-fits-all. Read many bestselling books by experts and failed to implement? You might need to read Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies (aff.link) and Better Than Before. Both are great books on habits and reshaping your life according to your personality.

4. Whatever you like to read and watch, there are many more people who love the same thing or similar things. Even if it’s obscure or has a low rating. Or maybe it was massively popular before you grew up, and now every time (which is not often) you meet someone with the same taste, it feels like an awesome novelty.
5. It’s okay to hate critically acclaimed things and love things that critically or commercially bombed. In the same vein, the rating of a movie/series/book doesn’t matter. How much you enjoyed it matters.

Forgive me cinema lovers for I have sinned. I haven’t seen The Godfather or Star Wars.

6. Life is too short to hate-watch, hate-read, or doomscroll. Pivot to something you actually like. I’m not saying I don’t spend too much time staring at the screen. I’m working on it. But what I don’t do is engage with trolls or read posts where people are having existential dread.

A couple of those posts are fine – it shows you you’re not alone. But too many, and you’ll feel stuck and depressed. Don’t do it.

7. Stay away from the news as much as you can. I repeat, take in the minimum amount that is necessary for your life and move on. Otherwise, you’ll be depressed, crazy, furious, or all three.
8. What’s easy for you is not necessarily easy for others, and vice versa. And this is okay!
9. If you can’t stop comparing yourself to other people, just compare to the right people in the right way.

This is especially sound advice if you’re looking for a role model or someone to inspire you. If you’ve always wanted to be an actress but fear you’ve aged out, you’ll not be motivated by Gwyneth Paltrow’s life. She was born into Hollywood.

Or if you are over 30 and live in Europe, read about Mads Mikkelsen’s life. Dude’s a critically acclaimed international star, speaks multiple languages and he was about 31 when he took up acting.

If you are a self-published author on a tight budget and it’s just you, you can’t compare yourself with indie mammoths who have money to burn and several assistants.

10. Separating the art from the artist is a much better use of anyone’s time. But it is okay if you forever ditch an artist for what they did in their personal life. Just don’t expect everyone to do the same.

And let’s face it it’s much easier to pretend an artist doesn’t exist if their work never impacted you positively. Remember no one ever bought a book/album/movie ticket/painting/etc. because the artist was nice. We became fans because the work was our cup of tea.

I love rock music and refuse to think about any awful and/or illegal behavior rock many stars have engaged in. What am I going to do? Not listen to music?

Come on.

11. Knowing how to find alternative solutions will increase your quality of life. This goes hand in hand with my customization tip (#3).
12. If you need help with anything, there are experts who offer amazing free or reasonably-priced advice.
13. You aren’t too old or too young to do most things.
14. Time speeds up once you have the freedom to do the things you like.

I still can’t believe I’m 40. I know that in many ways it’s still very young. But I also remember being 25 very vividly. Where the hell did time go?

15. It’s better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship and miserable.
16. You don’t have to take sh*t from anyone in most cases. When you do have to stick around, find ways to accelerate your escape from the situation/people.
17. Define your own success.
18. You don’t have to accept any cultural norms. You can question, challenge, and take whatever is in line with your own values.

Obviously, it’s not okay to be a jerk. But just because your family or society believes in certain things, it doesn’t mean you have to live your life like that.

Appreciate how Scandinavians are big on personal space? Embrace it. Your friends love the hustle culture but you hate it? Slow down.

Your family wants grandchildren and you prefer cats? Go ahead.

At the same time, even if you come from a small family, but you want a huge family of your own and you have the resources? What are you waiting for?

You do you. It’s your life.

19. You don’t hate all forms of exercise. There is something out there that you enjoy and that doesn’t feel like exercise.
20. We all have harmful habits. The trick is to quit the ones that do the most harm or at least minimize them so that we can be healthy and happy longer.
21. It’s okay to age however the hell you want. Naturally? Great. With outside help? Also, great.
22. Chances are you don’t completely hate one storyline/trope/genre/niche completely when it comes to movies and books. You just haven’t found the one that works for you.

I don’t generally like mobsters or gangsters. One of my favorite shows? Peaky Blinders.

I didn’t know I liked sci-fi until Back to the Future.

23. If you hate therapy, it’s because you haven’t found the right doctor.
24. Your past doesn’t have to define who you are. But remember your accomplishments. They are the key to defeating impostor syndrome.
25. Find at least two comedians you like. If someone’s jokes have you on the floor laughing, come back for more. I have a dark sense of humor, so I enjoy Ricky Gervais, Jim Jeffries, and Daniel Sloss.
26. Your location might be holding you back.

Maybe the platform you want to write on doesn’t pay creators from your country yet. (It’s happened to me a lot.) Maybe you just don’t vibe with certain aspects of the culture, or the weather is not good for your health.

It’s hard and expensive to move. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have the resources my character Janie does.

And maybe if a couple of setbacks were fixed, you’d be happy where you are. Keep an open (and creative mind) when it comes to finding solutions.

27. If you decide to move, remember no country is perfect.

Some countries are better for your mental health and wallet than others. That said, you need to perform a decent SWOT (strengths/weaknesses/opportunities/threats) analysis if you’re looking to overhaul your life.

Move to Paris because you’ve been there and you love most things about it. And not because it looks fabulous on Emily in Paris.

If you’re looking to move to Istanbul, comment and ask me things. I’m a veteran.

28. Most things aren’t inherently evil. It just depends on who is using it and why. This includes social media and AI.
29. Sometimes there’s no one to vote for. But there’s usually someone to vote against.
30. Most skills need repetition to master and maintain. If you give breaks, don’t be discouraged by the regression or stagnancy.
31. It’s hard to freaking adult every day. It’s definitely just not you.
32. Time management is a great skill, but don’t listen to (or look up to) anyone who says we all have the same 24 hours. There are 24 hours in a day, but:

• commute
• family responsibilities
• health problems
• work hours
• traffic
• personal finances and resources
• dating needs and wants
• and other life surprises

are different for everyone. Someone who is well-off and has no significant health issues should not give motivational speeches on time management unless they overcame extreme odds.

Most of the time, we all do the best we can.

33. Our bodies are different. We all don’t need the same amount of sleep.

Some of us need more; some of us need less. Find out what your body and body function well on.

34. You don’t need a gym to work out. But it’s great if you have a gym membership that you use.
35. It’s okay to discover new music. It’s also more than okay if you still vibe with the same music you did when you were 14.
36. Honesty isn’t always the best policy.

Do you really have to tell your boss her outfit sucks? Or that your friend looks tired? Come on. Think about the greater good – for you and them.

There is a reason the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” exists.

37. Go on that trip – if and when you can.

Notice how I didn’t just say go on that trip. Because, unlike some travel creators who mean well but generally just give advice to people who live in the States and have no health issues, I have a weaker passport, health considerations, and not a big budget. Moreover, most travel hacking tips don’t work for people outside the US.

Also, I’m not a backpacker or luxury traveler. I have nothing against luxury, I just can’t afford it most of the time. But I’m firmly mid-budget – as in I take advantage of hostels with private rooms and bathrooms as well as all-inclusive five-star resorts that can be caught at great prices if you book early enough.

Traveling is fun. But for some of us, there are more things to consider. So if you can, don’t delay the trip. It does wonders for your soul.

38. Reading is awesome. It doesn’t matter how, what, where, and when you read.
39. Depending on your work and mental state, sometimes multitasking can really help you out.
40. Procrastination is often not laziness but a form of protest.

I procrastinate due to fear of failure, overwhelm, burnout, and frustration. It’s usually easier to get started on things once you figure out why you are resisting and figure out ways to make the tasks easier and smaller.

Bonus tip: It’s fun and easy to say no. Get used to the word.

P.S.: The comedy film This is 40 (aff.link) starring Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann is a fun one to watch.

P.P.S.: This post contains affiliate links. It’s no extra cost to you, but if you buy through them, you’ll help me buy more coffee and write more.