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9 Reasons Friends, Family, and Other People Aren’t Buying Your Books, and What to Do About It

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Most writers, due to their creative nature and a career path requiring them to dream up stuff, don’t have the most realistic goals. And yes, I’m among those writers.

I’d really love one of these bad boys.

I wrote my Oscar speech (for Best Original Screenplay, thank you very much) and visualized the whole thing. I was in middle school. I even know what kind of dress I’m wearing and what my hair will look like for crying out loud.

And while I pivoted more toward writing novels in recent years, most of those novels started off as screenplays, and the Hollywood dream is strong within me.

But a dream doesn’t have to involve a designer gown, gorgeous hair, and a lovely statue to be unrealistic.

Raise your hand if you thought most of your list on FB, Twitter, and Instagram would rush to buy your books when you launched. (Yes, my hand is up.)

But they didn’t.

Sure, some of us are lucky to have awesome family members who will shout out about our books from rooftops. I’ve got such family and friends. (But not every friend bought it, obviously.)

Some friends are amazing supporters. They will buy, read, promote and review. And they do it happily and proudly.

Many other friends are fellow writers and you’ve sworn a blood oath (or you know, a promise) to have each other’s backs through thick and thin. Because people who get writers the most are other writers. Being equally (slightly) crazy and weird and fantasy-loving and all…

But…that huge list of thousands of followers/friends…they didn’t buy.

Why?

I mean, if your friends wrote a book, you’d surely buy it and promote it to the best of your ability…

Except, not really, because you can’t buy every book your friends wrote because they are also writers and they write many books.

                                If I shelved a portion of the books written by my friends…

 

So…even you failed yourself about your own expectations of other people.

By the way, I’m making a confession, not putting on blame.

I’ve been there. I’m that writer with tons of writer friends who can’t keep up with the speed they are all writing.

I’m helping out in other ways when I can’t buy or read just yet, but that’s another blog post.

So now that we’ve established friends and family and other people you’ve expected to buy can’t and won’t all buy, let’s go over why.

Then we’ll talk about what to do about it.

Why Friends, Family, and Others Aren’t Buying Your Books

There are several different reasons, and we’ll go over them each. Then I will continue with what you can do about it.

– They actually don’t know you’ve got books out.

Not everyone is on social media.

Not everyone is on the same social media channel.

Or you are not following each other on social media. Following family can be very awkward, indeed.

Even if you are following each other on the same channels, you are a slave to that social network’s ever-changing algorithms and rules.

Most social networks are leaning more and more toward paid advertising so your organic (aka free) reach is plummeting every day.

Maybe 200 of your friends would have seen that launch announcement or news about your discount 5 years ago. Now you are lucky if that status update of yours reaches 20.

As for readers who are strangers to you, this is indeed the biggest problem. They don’t know you exist.

What to do about it:

Either pay for boosted posts via ads or let it go. Ads aren’t the worst idea if you know what you are doing and have money to throw away.

But chances are, they won’t buy it even if they (friends/family/strangers) knew because they’re not your target audience, aka fans of your genre/sub-genre, the tropes you are using, and your writing style.

If you know FB ads or can afford to learn/test/delegate, advertising is a way to reach strangers who are target readers.

Obviously, effective marketing methods such as doing email marketing and Amazon ads well and having many positive reviews will also do a better job of reaching new readers.

Most effective marketing techniques for authors are beyond the scope of this post but I’ll name some authors I follow that are doing it well. These people offer a lot of amazing free and paid resources.

–  Alessandra Torre. Her website is great, and you should definitely catch her webinars on Goodreads.

– Dave Chesson. Chesson runs the Kindlepreneur blog. I also own his keyword tool Publisher rocket.

– Lizzie Chantree (affiliate link to Lizzie’s networking book. You can read my review for the book here.)

– Nick Stephenson: I own Stephenson’s Your First 10K Readers course. I also subscribe to his email and read whatever he posts about marketing. This is a free guide on writing, publishing, and marketing your book.

– Mark Dawson. I’m an email subscriber.

– Ian Chandler. He runs Self-Publishing School. I’m an email subscriber and I watch webinars.

– David Gaughran. I have several of his books and I think his wonderful Starting from Zero course is free.

– Joanna Penn: I subscribe to her blog The Creative Penn, and I own several of her books.

– Sandra Beckwith. She runs the Build Your Bookbuzz blog and has great advice on marketing. Period.

– Penny Sansevieri: She runs Author Marketing Experts blog, and I read several of her books on marketing. (affiliate link)

– Derek Doepker. I watch whenever he is on webinars and I own his course on getting more reviews. (Not an affiliate link. If you scroll down this page, you can see the description of the review training I did.)

*

– They don’t know how to buy it.

Buying stuff online can be tricky or at least annoying and time-consuming. You might need to walk them through it.

What to about it:

Sending a direct link to your book’s purchase page is a good idea.

– They don’t want to buy it where you are selling it.

Maybe your book is only available on Amazon, and your readers don’t shop there.

What to do:

You can choose to go for wide distribution. The advantage is, your book will be available on more platforms. The disadvantage is you can’t put your book on Kindle Unlimited if you go wide. You will be paid for the books purchased via Amazon, but you will be giving up getting paid via pages read. This is a decision you need to make for yourself.

(Every time you put your book on KU, it is there for three months. So this is never an absolute decision. You can experiment, compare profits between wide vs. Amazon only and then make an informed decision.)

Currently, I prefer being on KU as an author, and I prefer reading authors who are on KU as well.

 – They can’t buy where you are selling it.

This mostly goes for Kindle Unlimited Authors like myself. KU is not available in all countries.

Per Amazon.com: “Kindle Unlimited is currently available only to US customers on Amazon.com. Customers in the UK, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, India, China, Japan, Brazil, Mexico, Canada, and Australia can sign-up for Kindle Unlimited in their local Amazon marketplace…”

Maybe they don’t use KU, or they don’t reside in a country that offers KU.

KU readers pay a monthly membership and this gives them a certain number of books to keep in their library. If they want other books, they can return one and borrow another. So they can read as much as they want for a fixed monthly fee, which is amazing for voracious readers.

What to do:

They can of course always opt for buying your book as opposed to renting it via KU. But then you need to give them the correct link of Amazon for their country of residence. Their shipping addresses are recorded, and with another country’s link, the book will show up with this message: “Not available for purchase in your own country.”

And sometimes, they just won’t be able to purchase via Amazon.

Now, if you’re not on any other platform, you’ve got to let this go. Or, if you decide to publish wide later, you can send them links of your other options when you do.

– The book doesn’t exist in the format they prefer.

Some people prefer audiobooks or paperbacks. This is a choice that costs money, so …

What to do:

If you are on a tight budget, these readers can be let go for now and you can cater to them when you can afford it. Because producing other formats usually costs money.

– They are not in your target audience

Remember how I defined target audience earlier?

If someone only reads horror or political thrillers, they won’t likely enjoy any type of romance, regardless of how well they are written or how much they personally like you.

Maybe they aren’t big readers. If someone only picks the occasional mass paperback recommended by millions of people, they might not read your book. They read once in a while, and you don’t come that heavily advertised yet.

Even just because someone likes your genre, doesn’t mean they like your sub-genres or tropes.

I’m big on thrillers, but I’m super weirded out by ones where therapists are bad guys who prey on their patients.

I read romance like I drink water, but there are so many tropes and endings that I don’t like I wrote a book about it. The book is called How to Write the Ultimate Non-Tragic Romance (aff. link). You can guess how much I hate tragedies.

If your protagonist has a terminal illness, I’m out of there. I had my quota filled a long time ago. Even if your writing flows and you are uber-talented.

You get the idea.

What to do:

You stop talking about your books to these people or at least stop expecting to buy them. Go after your actual target readers instead.

– They are way behind their to-read list

They can be avid readers and among your target audience, but this poses another problem. They already have a million books to read.

What to do:

Be patient. Take a number and get behind in line.

Speaking from experience. I’m so behind my to-read list, I can’t even. And I keep adding more books every day.

– They don’t have the time

Life is too short. Days are even shorter.

Work, kids, friends, family, romance, surviving a pandemic, errands, housework, health issues, transportation, and traffic…

Argh…Even writing this down makes me want to pull my hair out, and I don’t even have kids or pets. (I do have health problems, which does in fact cut my quality time short.)

Whether they are avid readers or not, quality time for reading is often interrupted by life.

What to do:

Leave it. Let go. Move on.

Unless they tell you they want reminders, you need to cut your losses. It sucks, but what are you going to do…

But if they ask, you can always tell them a short blurb in person. Hell, if they ask, tell them the entire plot.

Some people love spoilers and knowing they will like the story might make them more inclined to take a chance.

But don’t dump an entire story on unwilling people, no matter the urge. (I always have the urge to talk about my books. They are my babies. You’re not alone!)

– They can’t afford it right now

Books are expensive. Especially paperbacks and hardcovers. They are even more expensive if the book is from another country, and lousy exchange rates get into play.

What to do:

If people are genuinely only staying away due to prices, you can send them a notification when your books are on sale or ask them if they want a free copy.

Sometimes, all you really want (and/or need) is more eyes on the book.

Don’t pressure anyone, though.

 

*

There you go. These are the main reasons why despite having thousands of friends, fans, and other followers on social media, you didn’t sell thousands of copies.

Chances are when you first started to write, you didn’t know just how much you needed to market – whether you’re self-published or traditionally published.

But it is okay. It takes a while to come to terms with it. And even when you accept it is on you to work consistently to get the word out about your work, there are times when you just want to give up.

You don’t, of course.

You adapt. You learn, and you implement.

May great marketing skills be with you, and may more friends, family, fans, and strangers rush to buy your books and gush about them everywhere.

 

3 Things to Avoid When Writing a Thriller (According to an Avid Thriller Fan)

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay.

I’m not a bestselling thriller author, so why write this article?

Because for anyone writing a solid thriller, there is a chance I’m in your target audience as a thriller reader and watcher.

Legal, medical, psychological, horror, action, romantic…I’m all for these thriller subgenres and more.

I consume quite a bit of it, and when I’m finally confident in my idea and story, I’ll also write thrillers. (But I am slightly more in love with writing romance, so those next books will get written first.)

I find thrillers a very tricky genre to write as the audience usually has very high expectations, has already seen many variations of your characters, conflicts, and main concept. They are sick of seeing certain twists, tropes, and character and event types.

For instance, I am not fond of amnesia, whether I come across it in a thriller, romance, or romantic thriller.

So, while you’re obviously free to write the story you want to write, it will help you to keep in mind audience expectations, and what will possibly disappoint them. And I’m by no means the only thriller fan who doesn’t want to see the tropes I’ll mention below.

This list is short and unexhaustive. But avoiding these three (or finding satisfying ways to justify them) will improve your story and please your readers.

Ready? Let’s get ready to thrill and be thrilled.

  • Stupid protagonists that make it really hard to root for their survival

This is truly the bane of my existence as a fan of the genre.

Look, I get it. It’s your job as a thriller writer to put your protagonists in increasingly dangerous situations. And we are only human. Fueled by stress, adrenalin and fear, we are likely to make some irrational decisions.

But, and this is a crucial but, there is humanly stupid/afraid… then there is intolerable idiot.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say you are in the wilderness and you run into a huge, angry bear. What do you do?

I’m by no means claiming that I can survive that with my body and integrity intact. I’d probably die from a heart attack. Or throw up and freeze. Angry bears are scary as hell!

But I can tell you what I most definitely wouldn’t do. I wouldn’t antagonize the bear on purpose or attempt to fight it with my bare hands.

Heard a noise when alone in the house? Why would you call out hello? Are you freaking kidding me? You stay quiet, check around with a potential weapon like a baseball bat or something heavy and call for help on your phone.

Or better yet, hide and call the cops. Don’t say hello. This is not a cute stranger at a coffee shop. This is a potential intruder. And in case you are saying it might be a friend, write better friends. You know, those who aren’t likely to drop in announced in the middle of the night, making all sorts of weird and loud noises.

But this is not the only dumb thing most thriller main characters do, is it?

They hide their spare key under a mattress. I mean, regardless of the genre, unless the movie takes place in the safest town of a country like Norway, or you created a utopia where crime doesn’t exist, don’t make your characters put a key where it will be easily found.

And if you do make them put a spare key for anyone to find, for the love of all you hold dear, please don’t make them act angry, surprised, or scared when someone unwelcome comes in.

And the award for the dumbest action, though, goes to characters who aren’t particularly big, strong, or fast. They don’t know martial arts. They don’t know how to shoot a gun. They can’t parkour. They can’t lift grown men. They don’t have any sleuthing or policing skills.

And yet, when they are suspicious, they don’t call the cops. Or hire a PI. Or even talk to a bunch of friends and take them along. Taking your friends into dangerous places is still stupid, but way smarter than going alone and unprepared.

These characters go into buildings that are about to crumble. Buildings so dangerous that you don’t need a ghost or a serial killer to put you in danger. And then they die or get seriously injured. And what do you think the audience feels when this happens? How do you feel when this happens?

Don’t make your characters act stupid.

If you do, make sure you compensate for this in another way.

Maybe your character is depressed and isn’t afraid to die. Maybe he/she is a daredevil and the adrenalin rush makes up for all the threats according to them.

Maybe they are so desperate that there is a bigger chance to survive whatever/whoever is after them that they enter into a dark alley without so much as a car key.

Then yes, you might get a pass. But be aware you’d be walking a thin line.

And if thrillers have shown us anything, if the protagonist is a therapist, the worse we need to expect. And this brings us to mistake #2:

– Incompetent/unethical/irrational/evil therapist characters

Many thrillers love a therapist who is (un)intentionally bad at their job for some reason. Cough, Intersection, cough.

In Final Analysis (1992), Richard Gere’s therapist sleeps with Kim Basinger, who happens to be his patient’s sister. Look, we all get how hot Basinger is, but you gotta keep it in your pants for the sake of your profession.

Of course, this will lead him down a very dangerous path. Are we surprised or scared about anything that happens to him? Not really. And I love Richard Gere.

The 90s are filled with movies from different genres where there is a prominent therapist character who sleeps with a patient. Unethical, bad, and irrational all in one.

Lots of dangerous things happen to this therapist, and you’re like, yeah, whatever man. Let the psycho get him/her. Or let them be fired or whatever.

It’s hard enough to convince people about the validity of therapy and the existence of good therapists without pop culture shoving more fictional bad therapists down our throats.

If you are writing a therapist, it might be a good idea to not make them sleep with patients or patient relatives.

If a therapist has a therapist, this is a good sign. It means they walk the walk. Would you trust a doctor who didn’t go to a doctor when they were sick?

You get bonus points for making your therapist deal with emotionally taxing situations in ways they’d recommend their patients.

Not making your therapist live an isolated life or having them lead a co-dependent and/or toxic relationship would also be a nice change.

I’m not saying all therapists are good at their jobs or taking their own advice. But we have seen enough incompetent and/or bad therapists who make terrible life choices during the entire story.

– Stupid villains

Stupid villains underestimate their enemies and loved ones.

They are impulsive and are bad at making critical decisions.

They have horrible timing.

They forget to check things and take precautions.

They overestimate themselves.

They surround themselves with people who can catch them.

***

Your characters don’t need to be super intelligent. But a little common sense goes a long way when they are planning things or reacting to things.

What about you? What thriller writing choices drive you up the wall as a writer or reader of the genre?

 

Oceans, Surfing, and Romance: A Beach Read from Yours Truly

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*This post was originally published on the 7th of June. It has been updated.

Trivia for A Change Would Do You Good and The Ocean

– Set in San Diego, two major characters (Kevin and Denise) are professional surfers. Their best friends? Three other pro surfers.

– This is a romcom drama featuring an ensemble cast, but the protagonist is clear: Janie. So is the male protagonist, aka her love interest. And you guessed, it’s pro surfer Kevin.

Want to picture what he is like? Imagine Chris Hemsworth, pre-Thor body. Also with slightly shorter hair. (Yes, Kevin is gorgeous. Aren’t most romance leads?)

– Most of the characters are connected by the near-the-beach apartment building they live in. A few characters don’t live in that building but three have beach houses. (Don’t worry, I do explain their finances.)

– There are at least two romantic/sexy scenes set on the beach.

– There’s plenty of outdoor activity. Most of my characters live life to the fullest, but my surfer characters (and especially Kevin) have a huge lust for life. They feel the most alive when they are dancing with the waves. But of course, there is also swimming, skydiving, and camping.

– Movie reference in the novel: Point Break (the original)

– Characters frequently attend and host beach parties. As they should.

 

What’s this author’s relationship to the ocean?

I am a total beach lover.

I don’t live by an ocean, but a sea. It takes me a 20 minute-walk to reach the water where I live. My favorite coffee shop has two stories, and both see the sea.

In the summer, I love having a beach vacation: the whole sand/sea/sun package. My holidays are both lazy and active: I rarely ever leave the resort, but I’m almost always going to the water. I spend more time in it than by it.

That would be my feet during one of the said vacations. Kemer, Antalya, Turkey.

The idea for A Change Would Do You Good came to me after I spent a month in California. I was 15 and I stayed at a building that served as a campus for eclectic groups: seniors who loved retirement activities, cheerleaders and footballers, language learners…It really was people of all ages and backgrounds, and I loved it.

At nights, I’d walk to the beach with my friends. Beach houses hosted parties. Anyone was welcome to come in. Different houses played different types of music, and I distinctly remember a rock band performing on a balcony.

In the mornings, I’d ride my rented bike around and to the beach. I’d ride for like 30-45 minutes before breakfast. (I’m currently digging around the apartment for my Cali photos, all taken by non-digital cameras. Sigh.)

Because I was 15 and from another country, I did have camp counselors. One of them also gave surfing lessons. I regret not taking him up on them, but I chickened out. I know how to swim, but I’m by no means great at it. I’ve never been particularly great at physical balancing acts, and sea waves are typically no match for an ocean’s.

Now in my 30s, I really want to learn surfing. Fingers crossed the pandemic leaves us soon and we can travel freely. There are some spots in Turkey where this water sport is possible. Which will be one of my upcoming travel posts on my travel blog Overstuffed Suitcase.

What’s the book about? A Change Would Do You Good Blurb:

Janie yearns for change.

Ever since her boyfriend died and their mutual best friends moved to Canada, she’s been lost and unable to enjoy life.

Nothing a nice new wardrobe, job, car, and a place in another city can’t fix. Right? The job and apartment are great, but her eccentric neighbors will be a challenge to get used to:

  • Twenty-year-old Ian is obsessed with curing his agoraphobic mom Michelle, and he lashes out by crashing into other people’s cars for fun.
  • Part-time model/fashion designer Ben could win the worst boyfriend award, and his miserable girlfriend Linda hates her career.
  • Goth metal chick Ashley loves drugs, guns, and weird parties.
  • Lackluster cops Sam and Tom want a more exciting life.

Luckily Janie has met Greg, a handsome therapist who might be the best friend a person can have. And her downstairs neighbor Kevin, a pro surfer with the looks of a Norse god, seems fun and friendly enough.

Except neither is ready for how intense their chemistry will be. Janie’s not over her boyfriend. Kevin has dated all the gorgeous women in California. Can they handle their intense feelings? Or will their wildly different romantic pasts get in the way?

With all the antics and chaos going on, only one thing seems certain: Janie’s neighbors provide more distraction and change than she was ever ready for.

A Change Would Do You Good is a romcom drama with an ensemble cast. Escape to this San Diego beach party complete with electrifying music, the whiff of salty air, and the sound of surfer-friendly waves.

 

A Change Would Do You Good First Chapter

Los Angeles

 

Janie sat in her therapist Dr. Lucia Lopez’s office for the twenty-seventh time. She had been seeing her for about seven months.

Eight months ago, her boyfriend Lenny had died. Seven months ago, to add insult to injury, her two best friends Sarah and Andy had moved to Canada. That was when Janie knew she wouldn’t survive this without professional help.

It was the right call. They had talked through her pain, as well as feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Who would move abroad when their best friend was mourning the loss of her boyfriend? He had died two days before her thirty-fifth birthday. And a few weeks after his.

But, of course, it wasn’t that simple. Sarah and Andy weren’t just Janie’s best friends. They were also Lenny’s. Not that grief was, or ever should be a competitive sport.  If it were, they would all probably be sharing the medal for first place: Sarah and Lenny had met when they were in diapers. Literally. Their parents were neighbors and dear friends. Luckily for them, their kids — both only children — had taken to each other immediately. Sarah had been inconsolable when Lenny’s father took a job in New York; they were in ninth grade. That’s when she met Janie.

Andy was Lenny’s college roommate. The two bonded over their dream to become Formula 1 drivers and realized it together.

Lenny had introduced Sarah to Andy, and after their move back to LA the four of them had been inseparable. Lenny was a close friend for years before he and Janie started dating.

Yes, the three of them were in immense pain. The difference was Sarah and Andy had each other. And Vancouver had them.

To be fair, Janie did see the appeal of making a new start in a new environment. Yes, she still felt a bit let down. But she was no longer angry with her friends. Talking things through with her therapist had helped immensely.

Lopez observed her patient as Janie studied the beautiful scenic photos of San Diego sprucing up the walls. She was particularly drawn to the blue-dominant one, where high, wild waves crashed onto the golden beach sand.

“Ever been?” Her therapist asked.

“When I was a kid. We vacationed there a lot. It was lovely.”

“Still is.”

Janie could hardly look away from the pictures. She was thinking. Planning. “I never went there with Lenny.”

“Might be just what you need to start over,” her therapist prompted.

“I turned down a job there a couple of weeks ago. Loved the firm. Loved what they offered. But I wasn’t sure I could handle such a huge change.”

“And now?” Janie leaned back and smiled. Her therapist continued. “Being the new person in an environment can provide a lot of distraction. And I definitely encourage you to go out and meet as many new people as you can. Still, never hurts to have someone you can call.” Lopez picked at the neatly stacked Rolodex on her desk. She searched a bit before she found the name she wanted. She took the card out and handed it to Janie. “Greg’s a good friend of mine from school. He’s a therapist himself, but he works for a corporation.”

Janie threw her a curious look.

“I’m sure he can recommend a few decent local therapists should you need one, but I’m really just giving you the number of a friend. He can show you around. Introduce you to people,” the therapist explained.

“Won’t he be weirded out? Me being your patient?”

“Janie, you’re just going through a tough time. And honestly, I think you will hit it off.” Janie looked horrified. The therapist laughed a little. “Relax. I’m not matchmaking. I know you’re not ready to date again. And Greg is seeing someone. But he makes a damn good friend.”

“Thank you,” Janie said gratefully.

*

Janie wasted no time calling Greg when she went home. If she were going to change cities, she might as well start making friends. He sounded even more pleasant than described.

She made her second call to Ellen Parker, the head of the San Diego fashion design firm who had offered her the job.

*

Janie was in her bedroom, hastily packing the remainder of her wardrobe into the suitcase on her bed. She wanted to be out of there like yesterday. Her older brother Peter sat next to the suitcase, disapproving, which was his default mode. Janie kept ignoring him. That was her default in their relationship. He’d never change. And on the plus side, he couldn’t stand being ignored.

Janie looked at her almost full suitcase, and then at the other fully-packed carry-on on the floor. Her closet was far from empty. Peter read her mind.

“That’s what happens when you shop non-stop for three weeks.” Peter pointed out the obvious. Janie kept packing. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” he pressed.

She went into the bathroom. The moment she was out of sight, Peter unzipped the suitcase on the bed and threw the clothes back into the wardrobe.

Janie returned with her toiletries and saw Peter unpacking. “What the hell?” She darted to her bed, pushing him aside. She dumped the toiletries on the bed and quickly recovered the items from the wardrobe, throwing them back into the suitcase until it couldn’t take any more. Then she zipped it shut with one swift, angry pull.

“Hey, take it easy. You know I have nothing against you moving on. But transforming your whole life to do it?”

“Remind me, when did the love of your life die?” She lifted her suitcase from the bed and put it on the floor. She dragged the carry-ons as she exited the room.

Peter followed her outside. As soon as he saw the new red Chevrolet Camaro parked in the driveway, his eyes almost left their sockets – cartoon style. “What was wrong with your perfectly normal car?”

Janie just placed her suitcases in the trunk and shut it. The backseat was full of photo albums, DVDs and CDs.

“Do you have any savings left at all? And why are you still traveling like it’s the 90s?”

Janie smirked at the question. Peter looked like he might have a heart attack soon. She got in the car and closed the door. She took out what looked like a brand-new phone from her bag, gestured him to call her and drove away.

Peter frowned, then instinctively fished out his phone to test his theory. He dialed Janie’s number. No longer in use.

*

Janie sped away in her convertible. Her car’s speakers blasted AC/DC’s Highway to Hell for good measure. She smiled as she mouthed the lyrics, ironically feeling like she was escaping hell.

*

Janie looked out of the window of her new fourth-story apartment. She could see the beach down the road. On quieter days, she bet she could hear the waves splashing on the shore.

The neighborhood was stunning with just enough colorful buildings. Not too crowded. The tallest ones had five or six floors at the most, giving everyone space to breathe.

The inhabitants were intent on making the most of the beach. People who lived here weren’t exactly rich, but they didn’t have money problems either. Not that Janie cared about that. It would just be nice to hit Peter with the facts when he started nagging that she’d downgraded her life somehow.

*

A couple of hours later, Janie sat on her sofa and took in her spacious two-bedroom apartment. It was modern and vibrant without being too quirky. It was completely her. She had only a few boxes left to unpack. She smiled to herself, dialed her mom on her cell and left a message.

“Hi, mom. Just calling to say I’m almost settled. This place is amazing. Remember, you can’t give this number to Peter. Or my address. Not yet.”

She hung up and dialed Greg. Got his voicemail.

“Hey! You were right. This place is something else. Thanks for everything. Let me know when you want to meet up.”

*

Past midnight, Janie was sound asleep in her bed. Suddenly, loud hardcore metal music with brutal vocals blasted from downstairs and jolted her awake.

“What the hell?” she yelled and tried to go back to sleep. She buried her head in her pillow. The music continued. Frustrated, she took her MP3 player from her top night table drawer. She put her earphones on. Before she could push play, she heard the loud crack of a gunshot. Then another.

Shaking off her initial panic, Janie dialed 911.

*******

 

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Escape to sunny California with colorful characters & get your surf on!

 

 

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The 6 Most Unromantic Romance Tropes in Romance Fiction (And What to Do with Them)

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There are many fun and romantic romance tropes.

However, there are also some very unromantic ones. So much so that it makes you wonder what they are doing in romance films, series, or novels.

In this article, I cover some of the worst offenders, why they don’t work, and when they might.

But I believe it is up to the author to use or ditch any trope. This is one romance author’s opinion on what doesn’t work.

I should, however, point out that I’m not the only author/reader/viewer I know who’s bored and frustrated with these tropes.

A little about me:

Why am I talking about romantic tropes?

I’m a romantic.

Hopeless? Depends on who you ask.

But just take a look at some of my favorite films (Braveheart, Pride and Prejudice, Dirty Dancing, The Crow, Strange Days, A Royal Affair), and you will see there are strong and memorable romantic storylines even if the movie isn’t primarily romance.

I’m also the author of two romcom novels and two guides on how to write great romance.

What’s excluded and why

When it comes to listing unromantic tropes, I’m going to leave out the very obviously bad (and criminal) stuff like stalking and abuse. Those things don’t belong in romance, and unless you want to write horror, I suggest staying far from them.

But just because an action is legal, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t make the audience’s blood boil or leave a bad taste in their mouths.

I’m also leaving supernatural romances out because we tend to stretch our values and morals when it comes to other creatures.

We need to, otherwise, we’d never be rooting for Stefan to be happy in The Vampire Diaries or Angel to stay with Buffy.

I’ll be covering movies and series as opposed to novels since they are easier to check out than books. Clips are mostly available on YouTube and/or the film is on your streaming service. What I say applies whether you write novels or screenplays.

And remember, when I’m criticizing a movie or series for using a trope, I’m not saying that film or series is bad. It is just not romantic, and it makes it harder (if not impossible) to cheer for the protagonist(s) performing the act.

Why You Need to Pick Your Romance Tropes Carefully

When we read or watch romance, ideally, we should want to live in that world and be one of the characters.

If your reader or watcher is repeatedly saying “Yikes, I’d never date this person,” or “I’m so glad I didn’t go through this,” something has gone wrong in our choice of tropes and situations.

To make my point, I’ll be spoiling the following series and films to various degrees:

– Grey’s Anatomy

– The Wedding Planner

– The Wedding Singer

– Outlander (the series)

– Revenge (The Kevin Costner/Madeline Stowe movie)

– The English Patient

– Rumor has it (the sort of The Graduate sequel)

– The Graduate

– Addicted to Love (Meg Ryan/Matthew Broderick movie)

– Timeline

– Tristan and Isolde

– In a Savage Land

– After

– While You Were Sleeping

– Strange Days

– Autumn in New York

Note: This is a long, comprehensive article. If you’d like a pdf version, wait until the end. You can enter your email address and get it for free.

Ready? Let’s roll:

Unromantic Romance Trope 1: Leaving someone at the altar/leaving your wedding with someone else/interrupting a wedding

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Why someone ever considered this was romantic, I’ll never know.

Of course, exceptions apply. If the person getting married was/is being forced and saving them is only possible by preventing a wedding, then by all means.

But when free and safe grown-ups do this, it makes them look selfish, weak, immature, and heartless.

If you’re going to use this trope, you better make sure we have a reason to condone the act. Hating the bride/groom might be a start. But it is usually not enough. Because if they are such jerks, why did our protagonist agree to this?

– Grey’s Anatomy

Image via abc7news.

Grey’s Anatomy might be the romance equivalent of Game of Thrones when it comes to killing off beloved characters, hence making my viewing sporadic.

I was pissed when they killed Denny (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). I put myself through a similar disappointment when they killed off Henry (Scott Foley).

Not to mention I also had to say goodbye to Mark, Lexie, and Derek.

I did lose interest in their relationship the moment Jackson (Jesse Williams) and April (Sarah Drew) ran off from her wedding to Matthew.

Poor, sweet Matthew. His only fault was not being Jackson.

To the writers’ credit, April wasn’t depicted as the most rational character. She was always prone to rash decisions and then regretting them.

But I expect a smart doctor and a nice person to figure out who she loves enough to marry before the wedding. I am definitely not a fan of her running off with one of the wedding guests. I’m also not fond of the wedding guest (Jackson) for not making his grand speech earlier.

– The Wedding Planner

In the film, Matthew McConaughey’s character Steve is engaged, but he falls for a woman he meets by chance (Jennifer Lopez’s Mary). And imagine both their shock when they find out she is his wedding planner.

There are the usual romcom high jinks, and toward the end of the film, Steve realizes his fiancée aren’t right for each other anymore.

To his credit, he has a heart-to-heart with her, and she also changes her mind. So, no victims.

Meanwhile, Mary’s marrying a guy she was avoiding during the film.

What’s funny, is that it’s not Mary who objects to getting married right at the altar. It’s her father, and then his friends. Mary still seems likely to go through with it.

But the next scene cuts to Steve determined to stop the wedding when he sees everyone but Mary outside City Hall. Apparently, the guy stopped it because he knew he wasn’t the one.

So, it all works out.

But…

Three intelligent grown-ups (Mary, Steve, Steve’s fiancée) not registering their feelings up until the last minute doesn’t sit right.

Stopping a wedding wasn’t the only unromantic trope either in this film either. Steve was getting his flirt on with a woman he just met even though he was engaged.

Steve and Mary get their happily ever after, and we let them get away with all their crazy because they are so charming. But The Wedding Planner never makes the list of my favorite romcoms.

Ditching At The Altar Trope Done Right:

Want to watch a ditching someone at the altar trope done right? Watch The Wedding Singer starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.

The person ditching at the altar is the villain of the story, and not our protagonist. Robbie’s (Adam Sandler) girlfriend ditches him and scars him. But then Robbie falls in love with a great woman (Julia, played by Drew Barrymore) who is nothing like his evil ex.

My favorite line from the movie is below. The film is set in the 80s, and the woman is wearing a Van Halen T-shirt.

“Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up!”

(Not a romantic trope. I just really like Van Halen.)

– While You Were Sleeping

while you were sleeping movie poster
Image via Medium.

This is one of my favorite romcoms of all time. And the protagonist does ditch someone at the altar. But we forgive her for it because we never really liked the guy, and she had understandable (albeit a little crazy) reasons for lettings things get there.

In the film, Sandra Bullock plays Lucy, a transit token collector who is in love with a commuter she never met (Peter, played by Peter Callagher).

Having lost her father at a young age, she is all alone and yearns for a family.

When Lucy saves Peter’s life after an accident and goes to the hospital, the staff mistakes her for his fiancée. Peter is unconscious, and knowing this is the only way she will get to see him, she keeps up the ruse.

Then his family shows up. When they are delighted to meet Lucy, she can’t bring herself to admit the truth. The family is ecstatic Peter is with someone sweet and caring. So, Lucy has a family now, at least until Peter wakes up. The only problem is Peter’s brother Jack (Bill Pullman), who’s immediately suspicious of her.

But it’s Christmas, the family loves Lucy, and she ends up spending a lot of time with Jack.

They fall in love as they get to know each other. But then Peter wakes up, decides he’s engaged to Lucy after all – after hearing her praises from everyone.

Certain obstacles prevent Lucy from admitting the truth before, but finally, she confesses everything at the altar.

And we forgive her for it because she is apologizing and admitting her love for the entire family – not just to Jack.

Moreover, Peter’s revealed to be shallow and insensitive once again when his actual, already married fiancée and her husband show up.

It is a cute scene with no damage done.

And it’s impossible not to forgive Lucy because having no family is tough. And the film is a lovely depiction of how we develop crushes (usually through shallow means) versus how we fall in love (after getting to know somebody).

After everything she pulled, Lucy was still more likable than Peter.

Unromantic Romance Trope 2: Cheating

We have a worse trope than ditching someone at the altar, and it’s cheating.

It’s worse when the protagonist is cheating on their supposed true love.

– Rumor has it

This is a sort of sequel to The Graduate (which is incidentally famous for its ditching at the altar ending).

Sarah (Jennifer Aniston) finds out her family might be the inspiration for the book, and she might be the child of the first affair story depicted there. (Mrs. Robinson, anyone?)

So, she searches for Beau (Kevin Costner).

I love the concept so far. And the cast is just wonderful: Aniston and Costner are joined by Mark Ruffalo, Mena Suvari and Shirley MacLaine.

The problem is, Sarah is so unlikable and unrelatable. And somewhere in the story, she sleeps with Beau, actively cheating on the guy she is serious with (Mark Ruffalo).

Look, I’m not immune to Kevin Costner’s charms, no matter how old he is. I grew up in the 80s and 90s watching him. #myRobinHood.

The issue here? Her boyfriend (Ruffalo) was super nice. Charming. And her only problem was that she didn’t know what she wanted.

After all that was said and done, if she realized neither guy was for her, I’d have embraced the cheating trope, albeit with some cringe. (There is also the cringe factor that Kevin’s character could have been her biological father, but I digress.)

But what happens in the film?

She realizes she has wanted Ruffalo all along and begs him to take her back…and he does!

Like, why?

The film, if you consider it to be a weird comedy, is fine and interesting enough. Just don’t watch it expecting a satisfying romantic comedy.

– Autumn in New York

Autumn in New York
Image via cinedb.com.tr

A guy dating someone 20-30 years his junior isn’t off to a best first impression. For us to be sold, he needs to do more than look good and connect with his love interest. He needs to show us he’s worth it.

Because it’s risky, isn’t it?

It might work, but they are unlikely to be in similar places in their lives. But if their bond is strong enough, this might very well be a great romantic story.

And who better to cast as an older lover than the ever-charming Richard Gere? He has successfully played handsome leads across genres for decades.

This character, however, is a douche.

What does he do? Romances a woman half his age, cheats on her when she is sick (and at the party where she is also a guest, no less), only confesses after she insists, and then leaves because…it was not a good idea for them together in the first place?

Why did he do it? Because he was scared.

Oh, please. This guy is my least favorite Gere character ever.

I also don’t like the terminally sick protagonist trope either, which, for some reason, generally tends to be female.

She takes him back, unfortunately.

I didn’t wish this couple a happy ending. I wanted her to find someone else.

Cheating Trope Done Right:

It’s fine if your protagonist is cheated on and then they leave the cheater for a better start.

Cheating in romance also works when cheaters are the victims in one way or the other – which happens when the party being cheated on is evil or does something horrific to lose our sympathy.

– Revenge

Take Revenge.

In Revenge, the romantic situation of the female protagonist (Madeleine Stowe) is the opposite of the Rumor Has It character.

Her husband (Anthony Quinn) is a mobster! He has been cheating on her, and being a mobster, you can imagine he is not a good guy. He’s also way too old for her.

Enter an old war buddy of his. Except this war buddy is about her age. He is gorgeous, played by young Kevin Costner. He’s nice and exciting. OK, he falls for a friend’s wife and has an affair, but not being a mobster, he is still pretty decent by comparison.

They fall in love. You root for them, even though you know they are doomed.

– The English Patient

I love this movie. It simultaneously made me a fan of actors Ralph Fiennes, Kristin Scott Thomas, Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, and writer/director Anthony Minghella.

It’s a visual feast.

And going in, you know you’re going to see something tragic because it’s the story of a severe burn victim telling his love story to a nurse, and the background is Word War II.

But the romance? The romance up until the end is not one that I liked or approved.

A married woman (Scott Thomas) falls under the charm of a guy (Fiennes). And her husband is her childhood friend who she has been with together for a long time.

Yikes.

We can’t even complain he is old or bad-looking. He’s played by Colin Firth, for crying out loud! (Not that it’d justify it, but we were grasping for straws here). And there is nothing seemingly bad or wrong with him either.

The guy she falls for? Yes, he is sexy and a bit mysterious. But he is also obsessive, and if it wasn’t for Ralph Fiennes giving a hypnotizing performance (he was nominated for Oscar), I’d have been repulsed by his actions altogether. Not a fan of the wife, either.

It seems more like good sex, and there’s nothing romantic about that when two people are cheating.

But then something happens in the film, and suddenly, I’m declaring this an epic love story and crying. What the hell?

Well, the husband tries to commit double murder/suicide, succeeding in killing himself and severely wounding his wife. She then declares her love, and the lover risks his life and betrays his country to save her.

Not the romantic story I’d write, but I ended up rooting for two characters I didn’t like at all.

But this is a romantic war drama movie. It’s harder to pull such stunts in a romcom.

If you are going to make your protagonist a cheater, you’ll risk losing/disappointing readers.

– Unfaithful

Unfaithful is not a romantic movie. At all.

It’s classified as one (in addition to drama and thriller) because the female protagonist (Diane Lane) cheats on her husband (the male protagonist) by having a steamy affair with a stranger (Oliver Martinez).

But then her husband (Richard Gere) finds out. He chooses to confront the guy, kills him by accident, and in the end, they can’t decide whether to flee or let him go to prison.

It works because it’s unsettling, and it was the goal.

You don’t want to be her. Or the lover. Or the husband.

Without the drama and the thriller elements, the movie would fail. (Also, obviously, props to casting, directing, and acting.)

Is it still memorable after I saw it at the theatres in 2002?

Yes.

Do I still hate the wife and the lover characters after all these years? Also, yes.

If you wanted me to recommend an uncomfortable drama about an affair, I’d recommend this. If you wanted me to recommend a romance, this film wouldn’t cross my mind.

It’s good. It’s just not romantic at all.

Unromantic Romance Trope 3: Not taking no for an answer/constant denial

You know how it goes. One side doesn’t feel the same way, so they keep saying no.

The other party keeps pursuing. And there starts an unhealthy, unromantic relationship.

Or sometimes, one party doesn’t reciprocate. They say and show this repeatedly. But our protagonist refuses to listen.

– 500 Days of Summer

Image via reface.me.

500 Days of Summer, anyone?

For Summer, it was a fun fling.

For him, it was everything.

Summer (Zooey Deschanel) was always honest about what it was. But hey, it didn’t serve his interests (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), so he avoided facing this.

500 Days of Summer is a very good, enjoyable film – as long as you treat it as a what-not-to-do guide for relationships.

As a romance? No, thank you.

I prefer my romances mutual, and I prefer protagonists who understand what no means. (And Gordon-Levitt is with me on this interpretation, if you were wondering.)

Unromantic Romance Trope 4: Obsession with an ex/using another person to make your ex jealous and then falling in love with the new person

– Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I really like this movie. It’s hilarious. I think it was always aiming to be funnier than it is romantic, and despite being uncomfortable in a lot of places, it’s highly entertaining.

But when it comes to the romance, it really isn’t how most people would want to meet their loved ones.

Peter (Jason Segel) is devastated after being dumped by his long-time actress girlfriend (Kristen Bell), and he goes on a Hawaiian vacation to get over her. But this dude even picked this place because she talked about it, and of course, he runs into her and the guy she dumped him for, an over-the-top British singer (Russel Brand).

He ends up staying at the hotel, in the room right next to theirs and developing a friendship with the beautiful receptionist Rachel (Mila Kunis).

So far so good.

Could it happen to you or me? Maybe.

But I should hope that we would be more rational and choose a destination spot that wouldn’t remind us of the person that hurt us, or even get depressed/obsessed over a person who wasn’t happy with us. Or, you know, we wouldn’t spend so much time with them on our vacation, which we took to get over them in the first place.

He goes on to try to make Sarah jealous, Sarah does the same and…You get the picture.

Do we still kind of like Peter and want him to be happy in the end? Yeah.

Do we fantasize about a guy like Peter? No.

– Addicted to Love

Forgetting Sarah Marshall pales in comparison to what our protagonists get up to in Addicted to Love.

Maggie (Meg Ryan) wants revenge from her ex.

Sam (Matthew Broderick) wants his ex back.

Sam and Maggie’s exes are together, so Sam and Maggie team up. They move to an apartment in the building across from the lovers and strategize to break them up. (And the stuff they do… I’m sure it’s not legal for the most part.)

And as you might guess, they fall in love and stay together in the end.

Just think about the spying that went on.

Yikes.

A very healthy relationship between two healthy people. Not!

Again, the movie is fun.

But just imagine how creepy the situation is.

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In all honesty, there is not much you can do with this trope that will make your protagonist(t) look good, except….

Obsession Over An Ex Trope Done Right:

– Strange Days

Image via JoBlo.com.

Strange Days is a brilliant action, crime, drama with a sci-fi element. It’s one of my all-time favorite films, and even at 7.2 on IMDB, I believe it’s underrated.

So yes, Strange Days is not a romance film.

But it does have one of the most memorable (and forgivable) portrayals of ex obsession. And like in romance films, our male protagonist here gets over his obsession, realizes true love was staring at his face all along and opts for a healthy relationship.

What gives?

For one thing, this is a dark film. There is a serial killer lurking around. He is so twisted he is making the victims watch themselves while being killed, getting off on their fear. What’s worse is that they are watching the experience through a device put on their brain. So, they’re feeling everything twice.

Then there’s horrendous police brutality.

So, a guy not over his ex only barely creeps you out.

What’s more is that her ex hasn’t moved on to better, greener pastures. She’s dating a bad guy. Our protagonist Lenny (Ralph Fiennes) watches their experiences in his brain and asks her (Juliette Lewis) to take him back.

Lenny would be despicable in a romcom. Here, we really just feel bad for him.

But after managing to uncover corrupt cops and defeating the serial killer, it dawns on Lenny that he doesn’t want his ex anymore. He wants his best friend (Angela Bassett), a strong, beautiful kick-ass woman who’s been by his side and saved his ass many times. Luckily for him, his feelings are mutual.

And after a lot of darkness, we get one awesome, passionate happy ending.

You might think she is too good for Lenny, but Lenny has a past we are proud of. Our protagonists are well-developed and likable.

Most Unromantic Romance Trope 5: Bets

Ah, bets.

Fewer things get our betting protagonists’ panties in a twist than being found out.

Usually, they have either bet they would be able to bed the other protagonist or make them fall in love with them.

They succeed, of course.

But then there is a huge falling out when our wronged protagonist finds the truth. And for maximum effect, they usually discover this from another party, making our “better” look and feel even worse.

The problem with this trope is obvious: Mature, empathetic, emotionally intelligent people don’t make bets that will hurt other people.

Whether they are betting over sex or romance, it gives us a good reason to want to kick the betting protagonist’s ass.

And with romance to work, generally speaking, you should want to be one of the protagonists.

There are few women who don’t want to be Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice. Because, well, Darcy.

When a male reader read my romcom novel Making A Difference (M.A.D.), he said “Who wouldn’t want a Zoe in their lives?” And I took it to be high praise. (Similarly, women wanted Jay, Zoe’s soulmate.)

I’m not saying bets shouldn’t exist.

It’s human nature to be competitive and to be (falsely) confident of their abilities and knowledge. But be careful with the intentions behind the bet and the stakes.

Toying with someone’s heart is a d*** move, and is more likely to leave us furious than swooning.

– After

After, adapted from the novel of the same name, is probably the most famous recent example of the betting trope.

When she goes to college, Tessa (Josephine Langford) falls for mysterious Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin) and they have a rocky/steamy romance.

Except toward the end, Tessa finds out bad boy Hardin initially only approached her after betting he could make her fall in love with him at a Truth or Dare game. What’s worse, she learns it from his obnoxious ex and gets to watch the footage too.

Ouch.

“Oh, but he fell in love with her for real.”

Oh, I’m supposed to care for the douche’s feelings now?

“But he didn’t know her!”

Worst excuse ever.

So, it’s okay only to treat people you don’t know like crap?

Of course, they will get back together after a massive apology.

Look, they already had enough differences and traumas in their lives without this bet thing.

I just don’t root for the guy.

 Betting Trope Done Right:

– How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days

Image via tvline.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days gets a pass because both protagonists engage in a questionable pursuit while having somewhat understandable motivations.

Andie (Kate Hudson) wants to save her friend from having her private life being written about by a stranger, and Ben (Matthew McConaughey) wants a creative challenge. His boss/competition won’t even give him a chance unless he can prove he can get a woman to love him.

Not saying they are noble. Just…understandable.

And it is easier to forgive one side if the other side is guilty of the same thing, and they both learn from their mistakes.

Unromantic Romance Trope 6: Deciding for someone else (especially since it is done to add extra tragedy and loss, and can make it feel inorganic)

You know how it goes. One side decides to do something dangerous and/or selfless, and they decide for the other person.

– In A Savage Land

I actually love In A Savage Land. Fewer things make me happier than seeing Rufus Sewell in a romantic lead as the good guy.

Two married anthropologists go to Papua New Guinea for research. Conflicts and tensions arise, and these are compounded when the wife (Maya Stange) falls for pearl merchant Mick (Rufus Sewell).

The film is classified on IMDB as adventure drama, and rightly so. The romance is important to the plot, but it’s not the main thing. It takes a long while for it to be consummated, and afterward, it’s extremely short-lived due to the breaking war and Mick’s decision to stay behind and fight.

As they are being evacuated, Mick doesn’t get on the boat and watches Evelyn leave.

While what he did was noble in a way, it was also uncool. She was completely blindsided. She never got a choice. She never got to say goodbye.

Luckily, the movie still goes for a happy ending and ends up being one of my favorite romances. But this trope pisses me off every time I watch the film.

– Sweet November

Sweet November is a romantic drama starring Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves, a remake of the 1968 movie of the same name.

It’s a beautiful drama with a fresh concept (the monthly guy love rescue), but I hate it as a romance.

Girl has cancer. Girl keeps cancer a secret from boy. Boy finds out. Girl leaves the boy because she only wants to be remembered as beautiful and healthy.

Come again?

The whole goodbye scene at the end really frustrates me because the guy never gets a say. And the logic behind it has always puzzled me.

He knows she is sick. And he has seen her really sick!

I’m not saying she doesn’t get the last say. Being sick is tough. But deciding for a loved one after like a minute of conversation? And if he wants to be there, let him, damn it!

OK, I’m calm. But if my boyfriend did this to me, I’d be super pissed.

And this is why, when I want to watch Keanu Reeves get romantic, I watch The Lake House. And if I rewatch Sweet November, I stop before the sickness reveal.

– Tristan and Isolde

I don’t know the original story, and it’s been told and retold since the 12th century. So, we’re going with the movie.

I love Tristan and Isolde despite using this trope, but I am biased because this movie has one of the most fantastic casts, including Rufus Sewell, Mark Strong, and Henry Cavill!

And the “other” guy is practically nicer and better than the romantic lead, so that makes a nice change to the star-crossed lovers trope.

Tristan (James Franco) and Isolde (Sophia Myles) are from two enemy countries (England and Ireland). Isolde is royalty bound to marry some guy her dad picked. Tristan is a wounded soldier from the other country’s royalty.

She helps him heal, but she hides her identity. And when he leaves, she refuses to go with him. (The movie would have been a fun and short romance if she just got on the boat.)

Then Tristan visits her country again, plays in a tournament and “wins” her as a bride to his uncle (Rufus Sewell), the leader of his country.

Then when they find out who she is, he doesn’t back down.

Because both Isolde and Tristan chose badly for each other, we have a tragedy.

The person I feel for the most is Tristan’s uncle. He thinks he is marrying a lovely woman. He’s also decent, loving, loyal and attractive. (See, this also uses the cheating trope in an unromantic way).

When Tristan and Isolde can’t fight their feelings and have an affair, I feel for the uncle. At least both lovers are depressed and guilty as hell, but the uncle didn’t deserve any of this. (Not to mention, he raised Tristan like his own son after his parents died.)

And none of this would have happened if Tristan and Isolde hadn’t made two horrible choices for the other person.

It’s still a good romance, but I’d rather I didn’t have to like “the other guy” so much.

Unromantic Romance Trope Honorable Mention: Staying in your lover’s time, especially if it is centuries ago.

On the surface, this gesture is incredibly romantic. I was touched when I first saw this in films and series.

But when I thought about what the protagonists gave up and the dangers they faced, I thought they made horrible mistakes.

Yes, they were (mostly) happy and they did this for people who deserved it.

But….

I’m going to be blunt here.

As romantic as I am, if you said actual Mr. Darcy was waiting for me and all I had to do was travel to and stay in the 18th century, I’d laugh in your face.

I’m not giving up my safety, right to vote, modern medicine, or indoor plumbing for anyone. (Or movies. Or rock music. Or flying to places!) You get the gist.

The best/most I can do is the 80s. If I have to, I could leave cell phones and the Internet. But I was alive in the 80s. While it’s tough, it’s doable.

And I’m not the only Outlander/Jamie fan to feel this way either.

Image via imdb.

So, while I cheered when Claire stayed for Jamie in the series Outlander and Andre stayed behind for Lady Claire in Timeline, it’s one of those only-cool-in-movies things.

Giving up certain rights and privileges isn’t romantic. It’s a nightmare.

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Like my take on writing romance? Check out my guides How to Write an Amazing Romance, or Writing the Ultimate Non-Tragic Romance.

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There you go. These are some of the most unromantic tropes in romantic fiction.

What tropes do you consider not to be romantic and you wish romance fiction didn’t involve them?

 

 

Get your free PDF of Unromantic Romance Tropes!

 

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