Review of Wayne E. Pollard’s Hilarious E-book A Kilo of Chocolate Sprinkles

 

I usually start my day by playing games, checking e-mails and reading my Facebook messages. Don’t frown- it is only while I am eating my breakfast. It might not be the most productive thing to do, but it is a fun, easy way to start the day.

But today I started my day by reading Wayne E. Pollard’s (Bo’s Café Life)’s A Kilo of Chocolate Sprinkles and…well, I don’t remember starting a day with that many laughs. Hey, the e-book was over before my breakfast. Hell, my breakfast isn’t still over because I couldn’t wait to write the book’s review.

While Wayne is famous for his hilarious take on the writing life and his no-B.S. tips for writers, I found that the e-book can be enjoyed by writers as much as the non-writers. There are two-three chapters that will probably be enjoyed more by the writers, and a chapter that will probably make women laugh a lot harder.

But as a whole, if you have been alive for a couple of decades (yes, 20s count!-I’m 27) , I’m pretty sure you will have a good laugh. And even the bits that don’t make you laugh out loud will probably cause a huge grin.

Chapter by Chapter Breakdown

The book is only 23 pages so I won’t give away a lot, but you need to have a clue for what’s ahead so let’s roll:

Husband Training:

(yes, this is the chapter women will like more.)

According to Wayne, inspired by a dog-training book he read, husbands can be (and should be) trained, house or otherwise. He gives wonderfully useful tips on what to teach them, as well as when and how. And you can’t blame him for being sexist or anything. He is A GUY (the name Wayne probably gave it away) and he is Married.

And even if you aren’t married, many of the tips do count for a boyfriend – live-in-or not. After all, the earlier you train them, the faster they will learn and make your relationship a lot less annoying.

The best part of this article is that it is multi-functional. You can use it for dogs without having to buy the actual dog training book. Or just read it to your mother and make her day. She regrets not having applied some of the tips 3 decades ago.

On Metabolism

Ah… the good old days when my metabolism was so fast that it burned all the chips and chocolate I devoured without causing me any weight gain or cellulite. Unfortunately the last healthy, flat-stomached photo I have is from when I was 16.

Oh, of course my metabolism is a tad faster than his, and I am not overweight or anything. I also have the advantage of being tall and the opposite of being flat-chested, so I can hide the extra weight with some clever tactics. But of course they work in winter, not during the bikini season.

My point, going on to prove his, is that your metabolism slows down with age – considerably. Of course some of the husband training tips must be used on your metabolism. Train it earlier, so that you won’t find yourself trying to lose 9 pounds before meeting some old friends in a month

Of course Wayne gives some really good tips on what to avoid. Just take those in, and not just the funny truth.

OK. Moving on.

Café Life

Now, this will appeal more to writers, as when you say café, ( freelance) writers

visualize coffee and their writing gear simultaneously. Cafés are the perfect offices for writers. I even sold an article on this very topic. Talk about writing what you know!

 

The point is, the non-writer group, if they are not freelancers, they don’t really get the café love.  When I mention a friend that I work at a certain café, they immediately assume I’m a barista. Not that there is anything wrong with being a barista. But it just goes to show that to others, working at a café can only mean one thing.

 

I have a hard time explaining why I refuse to spend money on the cocktails I love but splurge on the coffee and food while I write at a café. For one thing, I have to show something for all the hours I spend there (though some café’s staff adopted me and wouldn’t mind whether I drink just one cup of coffee for the entire day. Some invented a discount just for me!).  Not that I could survive on one cup anyway.

Another thing is that it is still cheaper than renting my own office and more varied and less isolated. And it is cosy and fun. Shock, shock – I also sold an article on how to choose the perfect coffee shop.

 

Needless to say, Wayne enjoyed and related to those, just like his piece something like I’d have written – only it is funnier.

 

A Telephone Conversation between Charles Dickens and His Publisher

Yep, this is the second article that will make writers laugh harder. But any avid reader with a clue about what the hell is going on with the social media, will enjoy it immensely too. Imagine Charles Dickens still living today (would be cool if he was actually immortal and not just his works.) and what his editor would be asking him to do.

Then read the article. Who needs a joke when you can have this dialogue?

 

Media Tour Tips

Third article that will go along way with writers on media tours. But then again, tips can be applied to any job because let’s face it, it is usually all about showing your USP (unique selling point) and going an extra mile. Although I2m betting that you will be surprised by “this” extra mile.

Oh and he has great tips on how to give interviews, radio or otherwise. Again, applicable to interviews with any professional.

A Kilo of Chocolate Sprinkles

And finally comes the chapter the book is named after… Here, Wayne admits to his ice-cream addiction in his own honest and entertaining way.

Of course not everybody has an ice-cream addiction, but a lot of us have addictions. Mine is chocolate (OK, the food one is chocolate. The others are movies and music, though they are usually more beneficial to my career and life in general.)

Just substitute the word ice-cream with your addiction, and it will hit right home. Of course since it is July, many of you will find the ice-cream addiction spot-on and relatable. I know I do.

And surely I can’t be the only one whose mouth watered by the title?  It is not a coincidence that Chocolat is one of my favorite movies. And it having a Johnny Depp romance in it is just a perk. Although after the movie, we did debate among female friends: Chocolate or Johnny Depp? In the end we opted for the easy way out. Johnny Depp with chocolate. I have never been fond of compromising anyway.; )

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So grab the book on Amazon for just 0.99, and make your day. And do share this gem with the non-writers. They need humor too, even though they do often think that we are from another planet…