Pinar Tarhan, Author at Addicted to Writing

9 Best Romance Tropes: This Romance Author’s Favorite Romance Tropes

Posted on February 11, 2022 Written by Pinar Tarhan

Romance is in the air!

February is Creative Romance Month, and the 14th is right around the corner. So, I figured we would tackle some popular romance tropes, which also happen to be my favorites.

You’ll see that I hardly ever love any trope unconditionally. As a life-long romance fan and an experienced romance writer, I’m very particular about what I like.

You can check out the romance tropes that I absolutely don’t find romantic, check out this post: The 6 Most Unromantic Romance Tropes in Romance Fiction (And What to Do with Them)

Let’s see if you agree with my favorites and the reasons.

PS This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you buy something, I will earn a little at no extra cost to you. Since these are my favorite romances, I stand behind my recommendations.

PPS: This post will spoil some book, movie, and TV series moments.

1. Forbidden/ star-crossed

When I say forbidden, I don’t mean cheating. And when I say star-crossed, I don’t mean Titanic, or Romeo and Juliet.

I need the danger/stakes to be more than two angsty, hormonal teenagers. And I need the conflict to be something other than rich vs. poor families. I’m over it.

What’s a proper star-crossed romance that I adore? Why, Alias’ Sydney and Vaughn of course. (You can watch the pilot preview here.)

Alias

Alias (2001-2006) is a kick-ass action/drama series created by J.J. Abrams and starring Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan. It just might be my favorite series of all time. Well, the first three seasons at least.

It also has one of the best TV romances ever.

I’m going to spoil things a bit, so if you’ve always wanted to watch Alias, this is a good time to do it. Please remember to bookmark this post so you can come back. (Bonus: The series features Bradley Cooper in a very important supporting role.)

Special agent Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) works for a secret branch of the CIA. But when they kill her fiancé, she realizes that she was working for the enemy all along, and she co-operates with the actual

CIA to bring them down for good. Her CIA handler is Michael Vaughn (Michael Vartan), and their chemistry (physical and emotional) is palpable from the start.

Sydney is now working as a double-agent, unbeknownst to the bad guys. How do the bad guys trust her after the sh**t they pulled? They don’t. They try to kill her at first. But then she brings them something valuable and says she shouldn’t have told her fiancé about her job.

The only person she can fully trust and talk to is her CIA handler Vaughn because he is the only person in her life who knows everything. And as they grow closer, it pains them to know that if they were ever seen together, if the evil agency connects the dots, they will both be killed.

How’s that for stakes? How’s that for internal and external conflict?

Alias is amazing with espionage and action scenes, but the emotions also run high. I strongly recommend it.

Vaughn and Syndey finally get to kiss for the first time.

And let’s face it, in no other romantic storyline, the man of your dreams will break into the Vatican with you. 🙂

Do hit me up in the comments if this scene made your week back in the day.

2. Forced proximity

This is always a lot of fun. The characters usually can’t stand each other in the beginning, or they just have contradictory goals. But to get what they want/need, they need to stay together, whether be in tight quarters or just hanging around in Europe.

In the movie Chasing Liberty (2004), the first daughter Anna is 18, and she hates that all her moves are monitored and protected.

When she is in Europe with her family, she takes off with attractive stranger Ben (Matthew Goode) who is slightly older than her. Luckily for her father, the attractive stranger is a young CIA operative who promises to keep an eye on her.

Keeping Anna from other men might be easier than staying away from her himself, though…

Chasing Liberty is corny at times. But it has a good heart and offers good fun. Also, like, how do you not melt when Matthew Goode is in a romantic lead?

The Proposal, the hit romcom from 2009 starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, has editor Margaret propose to her assistant Andrew because she’s Canadian and her visa is about to expire. If Andrew wants to keep his job… well, you get the stakes.

The problem? They absolutely can’t stand each other, though Andrew’s hate is stronger since she is his demanding, workaholic boss. Things get trickier for the duo when they have to keep up the ruse in Alaska, where they visit Andrew’s family. You get the whole package: having to sleep in the same room, accidentally seeing each other naked, enjoying the fake relationship a bit too much toward the end…

The Proposal can also be counted as enemies to lovers, opposites attract, office romance, and fake relationship.

Can You Keep A Secret?

This hilarious, romantic, and sexy romance novel by Sophie Kinsella was also adapted to the big screen in 2019 starring Tyler Hoechlin and Alexandra Daddario.

While theirs is technically an office romance, their meet cute starts on an airplane. Flustered marketing employee Emma finds herself sitting next to handsome stranger Jack. When she thinks the plane is going to crash, she confesses all of her secrets to him: little and big, no matter how embarrassing.

But it’s no biggie, right? They survive and she will never see him again. Except he turns out to be her boss, and he remembers everything. And he will show this with great hilarity.
Emma and Jack’s connection would have never been the same without that plane ride.

3. Neighbors to lovers

Ah, the one’s very close to my heart since my romcom drama novel A Change Would Do You Good has two neighbors, Kevin and Janie falling in love. Oh yes, there are many other characters and tropes in this fun book full of ocean waves. But it is the main one.

Fashion designer Janie gives her life the ultimate makeover and moves to a new apartment. Her downstairs neighbor is a hunky pro-surfer named Kevin. It could be heaven, but she is still grieving over the death of her boyfriend. Kevin has never been in a long-term relationship. Their outlooks on life seem only as “similar” as night and day.

But then again, sparks don’t ask for their permission before they start flying like crazy.

4. Office romance

As you probably noticed, most romances don’t just have one trope, and this makes things more fun. Technically, the romance in Alias is also an office/workplace romance, as well as a friends-to-lovers story.

My novel Making A Difference (M.A.D.) is the ultimate office romance since all the complications arise once star PR expert Jay Clark hires his former student and intern Zoe Ellis to be his business partner.

5. School Romance

High School – 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

For some reason, high school romances are aplenty while I couldn’t think of a college romance that left its mark on me other than Remember Me, so that’s what we will go with next.

When it comes to high school romances, I have many favorites. But after I eliminated the ones with sick characters who die at the end, and I excluded ones who aren’t this funny and fun, I am left with the absolute gem called 10 Things I Hate About You.

Stellar cast, witty Shakespeare adaptation, great soundtrack…And goodness wins! What more do you want?

In the film, high school student Bianca is pissed she is not allowed to date until her feminist, grumpy and rebellious sister Kat (Julia Stiles) does. So, she devises a plan to get Kat a date: She enlists the help of Cameron (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who has a crush on Bianca. Except Bianca wants to date Joey.

Cameron and his new best friend pay Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger), an outsider with a reputation, to take Kat out. But things get super complicated when Patrick genuinely starts to fall for Kat…

College – Remember Me

2010’s Remember Me starring Robert Pattinson and Emilie de Ravin is a sad, passionate movie. At first, we dislike Robert’s character Tyler. He asks out fellow college student Ally, out of spite for her cop dad who arrested him. But on their date, Tyler does fall for Ally. They share a deep connection through a traumatic past and their complicated relationships with their fathers. Watch it, but bring the tissues. This one doesn’t have a happy ending.

6. Haters to lovers/opposites attract (*when they complement each other, learn from each other and realize they are not that different.)

This comes with a huge caveat.

I believe that dating someone who is the opposite of you in every way is a recipe for disaster and the furthest thing from passion.

But some of my favorite romances have the haters to lovers/opposites attract tropes in front and center, so what gives?

You see, I believe you should date someone who has some things in common with you. This doesn’t mean you should date someone who is basically you.

It is great if one of you is more calm and relaxed. It’s lovely if one of you is slightly more organized.

Pride and Prejudice

There is a reason Darcy fell for Elizabeth. And it is not because they are exact opposites. It’s because they are complementary.

On the offset, Darcy and Elizabeth think they couldn’t be any different. Darcy is (or seems) cold, distant, unfriendly, unsocial, snobbish. Elizabeth is fun, social, friendly, and warm.

But as Elizabeth happily and tearfully admits to her dad in the end, she and Darcy are in fact so similar.

They can both be prejudiced and proud. They are both passionate and protective about the people they love. They both struggle with when to roll with societal norms and when to say f*** it and do their own thing.

At their core, they are both sensitive, loyal, blunt, and loving. And that is why they are one of literature’s favorite couples of all time.

7. Bad Boy (who isn’t actually a bad boy)

I have to admit I don’t really like bad boys. Bad boys in fiction I have liked generally are misunderstood and/or misjudged underdogs, or men who have been selling themselves short, even to themselves.

Take Johnny (Patrick Swayze) from Dirty Dancing. Sure, he wears leather and dances for a living, which screams bad boy to parents everywhere.

Sure, he sleeps with guests at the hotel he is working at as a dancer and accepts expensive gifts from them…But even this…I don’t judge him. He makes no promises, and the married folk should be doing the loyalty thing. It’s not Johnny’s responsibility.

But when his best friend needs help in a very tricky situation, he is there. And when he needs to step up for the girl he loves, he does.

So, if you want to give me a bad boy, you better give me someone like Johnny.

7. B. Bad Boy (who gets reformed for good in front of my very eyes!)

What Women Want (2000)

So why is a fantasy romcom film about a man hearing women’s thoughts is listed in bad boys?

Because the protagonist is a complete ass. Well, at least in the beginning.
Advertising wonder boy Nick Marshall (Mel Gibson) is a complete ass. He does whatever it takes you to get you into bed and then probably won’t call. He is also insensitive, clueless, and a failure of a single dad.

But then through a wonderful trick of fate, he starts hearing what any woman thinks, and at first, he believes he hit the jackpot. He can bed more women, faster.
But then as he gets to know women (and particularly his work rival Darcy), he starts to genuinely transform into a better person, lover, friend, and father.
And because Nick grows in every possible way right in front of our eyes, we root for him.

8. Friends to lovers – (*if they didn’t know each other for a long time.)

Again, I come to you with a disclaimer.

Friends to Lovers is an interesting one because it can be a pet peeve of mine or a favorite, just depending on the details.

If the characters have known each other since primary school and only notice each other after being absolute besties like 10,15 or 20 years, it’s a big no from me. Then I feel like they just got bored and took the easy way out.

But if they knew each other for a short time before feelings emerged…and/or if they were instantly attracted to each other but couldn’t pursue romance because of legitimate reasons, then I’m all in it for the comedy and romance.

Lovesick (2014, Netflix series) does this really well. First, I should mention Lovesick is a brilliant and hilarious comedy.

But it is also a romantic comedy because protagonist Dylan (Johnny Flynn) is a total romantic at heart.

When he meets his best friend Luke’s close friend Eve, they make friends at first. Eve is crushing on an artist dude and Dylan is with a German date. But when both their romantic interests fail them, they end up sleeping together. Dylan is more than willing to give this a go, but Evie just wants a one-night stand.

When circumstances bring about a friendship, they roll with it. But repressed feelings will come to bite both of them and ruin future relationships.

9. Holiday Romance

The Holiday (2006, starring Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black)

OK, that is not my subtlest example, but it is one of the best examples of a holiday romance.

Having had extreme bad luck in their relationships, English Iris (Kate Winslet) and American Amanda (Cameron Diaz) – two strangers – exchange their houses for the upcoming Christmas holiday.

Amanda spends Christmas in a lovely cottage, and Iris gets to enjoy Amanda’s beautiful LA house. Of course, no holiday romance is complete without Mr. Right. Amanda falls in love with Iris’ gorgeous brother Graham (Jude Law), and Amanda’s friend Miles (Jack Black) has a lovely friends-to-lovers romance with Iris.

****

Give me the takeaway now!

Yes, this was a long post. And these were only my favorites. There are tons of romance tropes, so listing them with examples takes time.

But there’s really one vital takeaway I want you to take from this post and it’s this:
There are no hard rules that are set in stone.

Mix and match. Experiment to your heart’s fancy.

It definitely helps to know yourself as well as your target audience. But one writer/reader’s favorite can be another’s pet peeve and vice versa.

Hardin from After is the boy of my nightmares: both the book Hardin and the movie Hardin. This is not to say the books aren’t readable. They are super engaging.

But when I read a romance, I should want to be the girl. And I should want the guy.
I don’t want a romantic protagonist to make me say “Just go and never come back.” I shouldn’t want an “unhappy” ending where the heroes of the book don’t get together.

I’m a Darcy girl, you see. Whether it is Mark Darcy or Mr. Darcy, I want my men to be decent. And hot. And the fact that they are decent makes them hotter. You dig?

Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche in Wuthering Heights. Heathcliff was pretty decent until he overheard the conversation.

Wuthering Heights is a great book and a must-see movie…because who can resist Ralph Fiennes when he plays an obsessive lover? But a great movie/book doesn’t a great romance make. Sometimes, they are just highly engaging nightmares and cautionary tales. But some women want their Heathcliff, and we will disagree from here to eternity.

So, write the man/woman you would fall in love with. Write the hero you want to be. And then market it accordingly.

A Change Would Do You Good: The Complete Novel Soundtrack

Posted on January 19, 2022 Written by Pinar Tarhan

Writers often ask each other what they listen to as they write.

While I often don’t listen to music, I will listen to a particular song if that song embodies the mood or even the events of the scene.

And if my characters are listening to a song in a scene, I’ll listen to that song over and over again until I finish writing said scene.

Below is the complete soundtrack to my romcom drama novel A Change Would Do You Good. I listed which chapter the song is mentioned, as well as when/why it plays and which character plays it.

If you like rock music, and in some cases, dance music, check these songs out. If you can, play them as the characters hear them.

Ch 1

Highway to Hell – AC/DC

Janie listens to this as she drives off to her new life.

Ch 4

Four minutes – Madonna and Justin Timberlake feat. Timbaland

This is Ben’s alarm song. He dances to this every…well, afternoon. He’s got the moves.

Ch. 7

All Night – Def Leppard

Denise’s giving one of her legendary parties at her beach house again. She dirty dances to this gem with her hunky date.

My novel isn’t a clean romance, and I’d wager this song alone would disqualify me from the genre even if I tried to write one. 🙂

Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith

A gorgeous stranger puts this song on the jukebox at Denise’s party, and Kevin’s pleased to flirt with someone who shares his taste in rock music.

Ch. 9

Def Leppard – Two Steps Behind

Janie’s housewarming party is going great, but she gets emotional when she hears this come on.

Def Leppard – Rock On

We are still at Janie’s party. Life, and the party, must go on. And so it does with Rock On’s catchy riff.

Fun fact: I was there… A thousand years ago… OK, it wasn’t 1000 years ago. But it was 2006, in Sweden and I saw Def Leppard live at a rock festival. I was in the second room, and I listened to Rock On.

Ch. 10

I Like The Way – BodyRockers

Ben puts this on as he helps Linda move out. Linda isn’t too happy about his celebratory mood.

Two Steps Behind – Def Leppard

Yes, again. This time Janie puts this on purpose while going down the memory lane at Lenny’s apartment. But when it gets too much, she puts on the next song to cope.

Life Goes On – Poison

Ch. 13

21^st Century Sha La La La Girl – Def Leppard

Linda basically hears this in her head as she enjoys a shopping spree.

Ch. 15

Nothin’ But A Good Time – Poison

Linda plays this at her new job.

Ch. 16

Don’t Stop Believing – Journey

This is Janie’s ringtone. She gets an emergency work-related call.

Ch. 18

Lay Your Hands on Me – Bon Jovi

Kevin and Janie have to hitchhike, and their “saviors” make one of them drive as they make out in the backseat of the car. Song on the radio? Lay Your Hands on Me.

Surfin’ USA – The Beach Boys

After a huge fight, Kevin and Janie are ready to make up and move on when Kevin’s phone rings. This is the ringtone. On the nose? Yes. Very appropriate and in-character? Also yes. Unfortunately, the caller bears horrible news.

Ch. 20

Blind Faith – Warrant

This song plays during the novel’s last scene.

Bonus 1: Have you ever needed someone so bad – by Def Leppard

I originally wrote this novel as a TV series. (So yes, a sequel is in the works.)

I printed out each episode and handed it to my friends along with the cassette(s) the songs were on. (I was born in 1984, if the word cassette had you wondering.)

And because it was a TV series, I sometimes added mood songs. So, while a character was in deep thought, I’d name a background song.

I had to cut this song out because I cut the scene, but just because it is no longer in the story, it doesn’t mean the character still doesn’t feel this way.

It played while Kevin was thinking of Janie. He is a secret romantic, that one.

Bonus 2: Marilyn Manson. (Any song you choose by Manson is fine.)

Any time Ashley is partying, you can play a Manson song you like. If Manson’s originals freak you out a bit, how about some rockin’ covers like Sweet Dreams or Tainted Love?

Check the book on Amazon if the songs got you curious: https://www.amazon.com/Change-Would-Do-You-Good-ebook/dp/B08YJMRN4P It’s free to read on KU.

Want a specific country link? Hit me up @zoeyclark on Twitter, and I will send it over.

4 Thriller Tropes and Twists That This Thriller Fan Hates

Posted on December 22, 2021 Written by Pinar Tarhan

This is my second post on what to avoid while writing exciting thrillers. You can read the first one here.

As is customary (and necessary) with these kinds of posts, let’s get my thriller credentials out of the way.

I’m a not thriller writer yet. I’ve been however reading and watching thrillers for as long as I can remember. It’s one of my favorite genres, and over the years, I’ve developed an acute sense of what works, what is too tired, and what really shouldn’t be attempted for the good of the writer and the audience.

Let’s go over four pet peeves of mine, why/how they came to be so, and what can you do about it if you want to include them in your story.

And please remember, while readers and watchers come with all kinds of tastes and preferences, if there is one person in your audience that hates one thing, there’s a big chance there are many more people who agree.

The “They were dead all along!” ending.

Ah, yes.

This type of ending is nostalgic and takes me all the way back to 1999 – a simpler time. When your audiences (including me) hadn’t seen this ending a bunch of times before and welcomed the twist.

I welcomed it so much that it elevated the whole movie for me. Also, my bad for attempting the see the movie on the small screen. Still, watching this movie was a better experience due to this surprise ending.

You seriously need to watch it (affiliate link) if you like supernatural stuff featuring ghosts.

Then, 2 years later, another mystery/thriller/horror came out. Also featuring ghosts.

I honestly enjoyed this one (aff. link) as a whole more than the first one. Maybe because I watched it on a bigger screen, with the lights out, at home alone with a friend where we were on the sixth floor. The wind noise could get to such spooky levels that you could shoot a Paranormal Activity there without paying for sound effects.

Then the ending was…yes, they were dead all along. And… I didn’t mind. It made sense. It didn’t take away from the experience. It worked for the movie.

But this kind of ending is not the happily ever after romantic comedy overs expect and welcome. You can’t keep writing thriller after thriller with this ending and then be surprised when the audiences hate you for it.

7 years after the second movie I mentioned, a romantic mystery thriller came out. Solid actors. Interesting story. Likable characters. And then the ending…. oh, yes, you guessed it…They were dead all along.

Now, there is no law or rule that says you can’t use this ending. But it’s no longer a surprising, impressive twist.

It disappoints the reader/watcher.

Seek out the films I talked about above. See if your ending brings something different to the table.

Chances are, your audiences will prefer a more used but less “memorable” ending. Because while you want to be remembered, you’d rather be remembered for having entertained them.

Memory loss.

Ah, memory loss…

Where would most genres be without characters that suffered from some sort of temporary or permanent amnesia?

Like most things, earlier ones in the market are going to receive a better welcome. Especially if one of the earlier ones was so original in its storytelling and the screenplay.

I love the film Memento (aff.link). The story is told chronologically backward, with the ending being the beginning. And the answer to whodunnit is also just…amazing.

Memento tells the story of Leonard, a man with short-term memory loss trying to find out who killed his wife. But due to his condition, he can’t trust anyone, including himself. And this makes for a very compelling watch.

But Memento is an exception for me.

I usually get bored. If I read memory loss in the description, I put down the book. I don’t pick the film. I debate whether to continue the series.

Don’t get me wrong. Memory loss is horrible, and if it happened to someone I knew, I’d do everything I could do to help them and be there for them.

However, I don’t have the energy and enthusiasm to do that for fictional characters.

Because I have seen them so often.

While as a writer you need to put your characters through hell and make them suffer through/deal with different sorts of conflict, memory loss should be handled with care.

Is it making your story more thrilling or less thrilling?

Is it making it more or less predictable? You don’t want your audiences bored. And when it comes to predictability, they don’t want to be able to predict certain things.

How much has your audience seen this kind of memory loss in this kind of situation with this kind of character? (Be careful before you say never. They probably have.)

The protagonist has an identical twin!

I don’t have anything against twins or twin characters in fiction.

My complaint is about certain tropes.

Are your twins so radically different in personality, maybe to the point if one is a good cop and the other is a vicious criminal?

Is one twin happily married with kids living in suburbia while the other can’t stay sober, hold down a job/keep a relationship, or a job?

Do they dress as different as Marilyn Manson in make-up and a Jonas Brother?

These twins, because they are basically night and day, usually have a falling out. They don’t keep in contact.

Oh, and often, they have managed to keep it a secret from anyone that they have a twin.

Yet somehow, despite all the extreme differences, when push comes to shove, they can replace each other just like that and no one notices. (Eye roll.)

I’ve had identical twin friends, and even when they dressed alike, and their personalities were pretty similar, they were still clearly distinguishable from each other.

Despite the shared genes, these are separate people with separate identities. And the more time they spend apart, the more difficult it’d be to imitate each other flawlessly.

This is such a common plot device in so many genres, but I see it most often with thrillers.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t write about identical twins. They are fascinating. But you should know what came before you.

Bring something fresher to the table. Go to where authors haven’t traveled to so often.

Your biggest twist probably shouldn’t be “Hah, he had a twin! That explains it.” Because that is probably what the audiences guessed first and wished you wouldn’t go there.

Now, if you’ve conducted market research and found out that thrillers with twins are selling insane numbers, then fine. I guess it is what the market wants.

But be sure.

Split Personality Disorder (especially as the source of crimes/big plot twist/twist ending)

Audiences, especially those who deal with mental health issues and/or those who are sensitive about mental health in general (and yes, this is a big audience in numbers) are a bit sick of seeing people with mental health issues being the criminal and/or villain.

And certain mental illnesses fascinate writers more than others.

The movie Split (Amazon aff. link) takes a bit of a pass from me because James McAvoy is a phenomenal actor. And also because we know what we are going to watch going in.

His split personality is not the big twist. While there are some issues in the film, the diagnosis is not it.

If you are giving your villain mental illness(es), be very careful. Get help from sensitivity readers. Use trigger warnings.

And make sure you’re not pulling a variant of “they were dead all along” but in the form of “oh, one of their many personalities is the murderer!”

Some people love that twist. However, even people who loved that twist the first time might not enjoy it over and over.

Friendly Reminder

You don’t have to take my advice. You don’t really need to take anyone’s advice when it comes to your story. But it’s always a good idea to stop and consider.

How does your target audience feel about this?

And it’s always possible to combine several seemingly unrelated or not-so-fresh ideas and come up with something interesting.

As much as I have complained about memory loss, protagonists who were revealed to be dead, and twin replacement tropes, it doesn’t mean there are no stories left to tell here.

Hell, if one of your twins had complete memory loss, the other replaced him/her but then they are revealed to be dead all along? If you can coherently pull this off, send me the link to your book. I’ll take a look!

It might be pushing it to give them a split personality disorder on the top of everything, though…:)

What about you? What thriller tropes and twists are you sick of? Let me know!

8 Reasons I Procrastinate and How I Make Procrastination Work for Me

Posted on December 12, 2021 Written by Pinar Tarhan

One of the most common (and generally sound) writing advice is to write with your audience in mind. What’s their pain point? And how can you fix their problem?

Except, I sometimes do things the other way on my blog. I take my pain point and write it in a way that will relate to my audience.

This usually happens when I keep reading articles that are supposedly targeted toward me but I can’t relate to at all. And I’m not a unicorn. Chances are, there are writers who will relate to me.

So I hope this procrastination article speaks to you and that you find it relatable.

As for fixing the problem of procrastination, well… we’ll see.

Fear of what now?

The reason blamed most for procrastination is usually a tie between fear of success and perfectionism.

And when that happens, I usually stop reading whatever that is.

Because I don’t know about you, but I’m not afraid of success. Failure? Oh, yes. Absolutely. Very often. Success? No.

And I’m so not a perfectionist.

I’m by no means a perfectionist.

Sure, I like to check things. I like it when things are done right.

But I never aim for perfect. I aim for grammatically correct (as long as it doesn’t stifle style and voice), factually correct and enjoyable.

Because perfect doesn’t exist. Universally loved and accepted doesn’t exist either. So, why bother? I get that it might be the reason behind the procrastination of some writers. Just not mine.

So why do I procrastinate?

– Overwhelm (also known as overload). Whether it is due to too much information, too many ideas or specific difficulties like monetary or technical, overwhelm blocks me. It renders me frustrated.

– Underwhelm. Something is boring, repetitive and/or takes too long to get to the point. Sometimes it can be hard to figure out whether you are overwhelmed or underwhelmed. The line is thin.

– Writer’s block. How do you pitch something or write when you’re absolutely stuck?

I regularly go through what I call pitching blocks. Yes, I need to pitch guest posts to promote my novels.

And I need to pitch non-fiction article or essay ideas to editors.

But sometimes, the idea is just not there. Or the idea is there, but you can’t find a publication that is a good fit.

Sometimes you get over that hurdle, only to be rejected by the editor. Then it’s back to the drawing board.

I am often working on more than one thing, so complete writer’s block is not a thing for me.

Stuck in one scene? I move on to another. Stuck in one story? Go ahead and work on the other one. Not feeling the fiction muses? I’ll go ahead and write that blog post.

But no matter what form and magnitude writer’s block hits you, it still gets in your way.

It delays your launch plans. It might put a dent in your expected income. It will also occasionally drive you crazy.

Why can’t I find the right, exciting love story for this wonderful character of mine?

Why do I have the perfect premise for a sci-fi thriller but I can’t for the life of me figure out the personalities of my protagonists?

And why can’t I figure out the rules of this alternate universe?

– Fear of failure. Will this (whatever it is that you are learning or working on) be too hard to figure out?

Will the result have too many mistakes and/or look hideous (especially for techie things and/or things that require formatting/design)?

– Health problems. Good luck being proactive and productive when your health is bothering you a great deal.

Sure, conventional wisdom tells you to rest and sit it out, but what if your issues are chronic and the doctors haven’t figured out a solution yet? Just how much rest can you afford without going crazy and/or broke?

– Fun/being social. Yes, I admit binging Netflix too many times. Luckily, I turn that into content.

And what is sitting with friends for an hour longer? Although, if I knew Covid would hit, I would have procrastinated even harder on this front.

– Fear of failure/rejection.

I’ve been pitching for over a decade, and I still occasionally procrastinate on this.

I also call it “fear of more (unpaid) work”.

Because, if the editor rejects you, you have to look into other magazines and do more research and tweak your pitch. Then wait. Then follow up. Then maybe follow up once more before moving on. Rinse and repeat.

And if one novel doesn’t turn into the hit you are hoping for, you have to reconsider your entire marketing strategy, study some more, and gasp!, write another book – while dealing with fear and anxiety. What if this one also doesn’t work out the way I want it to work out?

Fear of more, endless, (initially) unpaid work in sight is real.

I don’t mind the work; it’s the uncertainty that gets to me. The feeling of working as hard as you can and still feeling you are not getting anywhere.

– Being intrigued by how the human mind works and how/why everyone does things. Have you ever watched videos of apartment rentals in New York even though you don’t live in the States and aren’t planning to move there anytime soon? I have.

For me, the peak of this type of procrastination is watching videos or reading about why people procrastinate. Like, I know why I do it. Why do other people? How? How often? How normal/rare/weird am I?

If this is you, you just might enjoy this Ted talk. It’s called Inside the mind of the Procrastinator.

Procrastination isn’t the end of the world. Or the end of productivity.

I’ve never missed a deadline imposed by an editor or client, including when they asked me to set the deadline. It is only right and professional to turn in my work when or before I promised I would.

Can/do I perform the same level of “professional” courtesy if I set the deadline for myself for a passion project? I think you know the answer to that one. (No, I can’t.)

Part of the reason is, I believe, my personality. I strongly recommend Gretchen Rubin’s bestselling book Better than Before (Amazon aff. link) about habits, one of the only books I’ve read on the topic that takes your personality into account before drawing conclusions and offering advice.

I’m a questioner/rebel (terms coined by Rubin). I question everything, and I only do things if I’m satisfied by the reason. I also rebel. I do something only if I want to do it. So even if I happen to set a deadline, I would rebel against me.

Does it mean I don’t get things done?

Of course not. But it is unlikely for me to say “I’ll finish this book by March 15” and then have it finished by March. I will do it as soon as possible, but I can’t give a date. And if I did, I wouldn’t stick to it. I’d probably finish it even on the 14^th or the 16^thof March just to spite my goal-setting self.

I’m trying to tone down the Questioner/Rebel in me, and luckily, I’m a total obliger when it comes to dealing with other professionals.

I’m trying to understand why I procrastinate and come up with methods to tone it down. And when I can’t tone it down, I come up with reasons to make it pay.

Make your procrastination work for you

– Watched too many episodes in a row? I pitch and write articles on it in a row while everything is still fresh in my mind.

– Spent days socializing with friends as opposed to working? I am grateful for the fun I had.

And I might or might not use the stories we shared for future inspiration. Always with their permission, of course.

So, there you go. This has been the procrastination analysis of a non-perfectionist.

If I regret any procrastination, it’s usually the mindless social media browsing or YouTube watching before I go to bed. But even then, those are my creatively and energetically dead hours.

And let’s face it, cute cats can’t be that bad for our mental health.

Could I be working instead? If I could, trust me, I’d be working.

Could I be doing something else? If there was a way I could be out safely dancing and mingling outside, I’d be doing that.

As long as I don’t hang around online past midnight (which is the latest I can go to bed where my brain and body will allow me to wake up properly in the morning), I’ll be fine.

And in those “mindless” strolling moments, I’ll still find hilarious memes, story ideas, what I want from a rental apartment, what (not) to do with my social media, where I (don’t) want to travel, and beyond.

Here’s what I want you to take away from this post:

– Not all procrastination is bad.

– Not everyone procrastinates the same way or for the same reasons.

– You can make procrastination work for you.

– Reading about other people’s procrastination reasons (and ways) will be helpful to a certain extent. But you might decide you have to work on it if you are filled with regret and disappointment afterward.

Why do you procrastinate? How do you procrastinate? And what do you do about it? Let me know in the comments.